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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550639">A Safety in Numbness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/underratedkings/pseuds/underratedkings'>underratedkings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Aromantic Character, Blood and Gore, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, References to Suicide, Strangers to Lovers, Walkers, Zombies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:07:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/underratedkings/pseuds/underratedkings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>There's a strange comfort in abandoning all hope of ever feeling joy or love ever again. And in a world turned to ash and dust, left to the walkers and those unfortunate enough to call themselves "survivors," comforts are few and far between.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>243</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>If the past two years had taught Hyunjin anything, it was to always, always sleep light.</p><p>He was wide awake the moment the door creaked open.</p><p>It was still early morning, the sun at that just-right position to shine through the dirty little window above Hyunjin’s palette, warming the smell of mildew and dust. His long hair tickled his nose, hanging right where his breath made his flutter. He stopped his breathing altogether when the footsteps crept closer.</p><p>The intruder was doing their best, keeping their footsteps slow and soft, but the floors were old and there was debris everywhere. The smallest pebble kicked gave Hyunjin valuable information about just who had broken into his hiding spot.</p><p>They were small, clearly not looking for a fight. They skipped straight over any weapons and ammunition Hyunjin had stocked, opting for the water bottles stacked next to where he was sleeping. The intruder knelt, carefully, and what sounded like slowly unzipping a bag. The second their hand reached for the water, Hyunjin rolled over, pulling the gun from under his makeshift pillow, and pointing it at the intruder’s head.</p><p>He opened his eyes.</p><p>“And just what do you think you’re doing?”</p><p>The intruder froze, eyes wide. Hyunjin scanned him; male, perhaps even younger than himself. Typical, given the demographic that had survived the first wave. He was thin, with paper white skin dotted with freckles, thick lips chapped and cracked and split from biting.</p><p>Slowly, the boy looked at Hyunjin with big eyes. Hyunjin pressed the gun firmly against his temple.</p><p>“Don’t you fucking move,” Hyunjin growled, still groggy and huffy at being disturbed. “Whatever you want, you’re not getting it. Now leave, before I decorate the walls with your brains.” The kid didn’t move, but just stared down at the floor, hand still outstretched toward the water, lips trembling.</p><p>“Please,” he whispered. “Please…my friend…” His voice was surprisingly deep. Hyunjin imagined he might even be intimidating if he weren’t quivering so much. The boy swallowed thickly.</p><p><em>“Please…” </em>he repeated, this time in English. <em>“My friend, he’s hurt. We don’t have any supplies, please! We need help. He’s going to die, please, I’m begging you.” </em>His eyes started to well up. Hyunjin sighed, pushing himself to sit upright, keeping his gun aimed in place.</p><p><em>“You don’t speak Korean?” </em>Hyunjin asked slowly, a bit clunky given his lack of practice. The boy’s eyes lit up like the stars, hopelessness all but disappearing.</p><p>
  <em>“You speak English?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Little bit.” </em>Hyunjin gave a slow blink. God, this was exhausting.</p><p><em>“My friend, he’s hurt bad. Please, can you help him?” </em>the boy asked, excited, all but forgetting the firearm pointed at his head. Hyunjin rolled his eyes.</p><p><em>“Your friend is hurt?” </em>The boy nodded. <em>“Then you will leave. Or he will kill you, ok? You understand?” </em>It was kind of sad, seeing the boy’s expression fall, but it was the truth, and one he needed to hear.</p><p><em>“No,” </em>the boy said, voice firm and sure for the first time. <em>“I can’t leave him. If I die, fine. But I won’t leave him.” </em></p><p>Hyunjin let out an overdramatic, exasperated sigh, eyes rolling back into his skull. As much as he wanted to pretend that didn’t tug on his heartstrings, he didn’t quite have it in him to convince himself. After a long moment of silence, where Hyunjin again reminded himself he hadn’t gotten near enough sleep to deal with this shit, he turned back to the boy.</p><p><em>“Your friend. Where is he?” </em>Hyunjin said,</p><p><em>“He-he’s right outside,” </em>the boy motioned out the door.</p><p><em>“Go. Bring him,” </em>Hyunjin motioned with his gun. <em>“No weapon, ok?” </em>The boy wasted no time. He sprung up, slipping out he door, saying something to someone that Hyunjin didn’t care enough to try and hear.</p><p>He was breaking rule number one: trust no one, save yourself. Perhaps solitude had made him soft, Hyunjin thought dismissively. On the other hand, he supposed nothing he did <em>really </em>mattered anymore. He’d always assumed he’d stay hidden away, holed up the back room of an old store front. He would remain surrounded by his supplies, so nothing was out of sight to be stolen or contaminated, and work through it until he inevitably ran dry.</p><p>Then, while staring dehydration and starvation in the face, he’d figured a nice bullet to the head would be a quick way to end things.</p><p>But that was the way the world was now. Nothing had meaning or consequence, there was no justice or morality. The virus had swept all of that away, turning neighbor against neighbor and loved ones into undead walkers. No one left in the world had anything to live for, anything to strive for except to survive another day to see the next sunrise.</p><p>And Hyunjin knew from experience, even that got dull all too fast.</p><p>His thoughts were paused when the boy finally returned, all but carrying a limping kid on his shoulder. God, this one looked even younger. Hyunjin trained his gun on them again.</p><p><em>“No bite?” </em>Hyunjin asked, eyes narrowed. The first boy shook his head.</p><p>
  <em>“No, no, I swear. The wound’s not fresh, if it were a bite, he would’ve already turned.” </em>
</p><p>Hyunjin lowered his gun, though still untrusting. The boy helped the younger sit, propping him up against some stacked cans. There was a massive gash along his thigh, several strips of fabric knotted around his leg presumably to quell the bleeding. It was crusted over and cracked, leaking pus and congealed blood over what was left of his pants.</p><p>Hyunjin looked at the new boy, who looked more grey than pale.</p><p>“You’re not a foreigner, too, are you?” he asked dryly. He shook his head quickly.</p><p>“No, no, I’m Korean,” he said, his voice soft. “I’m—my name is Yang Jeongin. That’s Felix. He’s from Australia.” Felix, recognizing his name, looked up at Hyunjin.</p><p>“What happened,” Hyunjin asked, still suspicious. Jeongin seemed to sense this, swallowing hard.</p><p>“It actually wasn’t a walker,” he answered. “It was some people. They were chasing us, and I got caught on a fence. It wasn’t that bad, but it’s gotten infected, I think. We tried to clean it, but…” Hyunjin stood as Jeongin trailed off, stretching tall and cracking his spine back into line before moving to a box under the window. He rubbed his hair, shaking off what was left of his sleep.</p><p>After a lot of digging in one of the boxes labeled ‘useless shit,’ Hyunjin came up with a scrubbing sponge that would do the trick. Swaggering to another shelf, he grabbed a bottle of cheap vodka and pulled the top with his teeth, spitting it across the room.</p><p>“This is gonna suck,” he said, kneeling next to Jeongin as Felix watched on, confused.</p><p>Jeongin barely had time to respond before the vodka was being dumped into his gash. Jeongin’s whole body clenched, eyes squeezing shut and leg trembling as it was set on fire by the alcohol. Tears quickly began to roll down his cheeks, leaving trails in the dirt.</p><p><em>“He’s going to scream,” </em>Hyunjin told Felix. <em>“Because this will hurt a lot, ok? You keep him quiet, yes? Understand?” </em>Felix nodded, eyes wide again in fear. Gently, he took one of Jeongin’s hand and moved his other arm to Jeongin’s mouth; the younger didn’t hesitate to bite down on Felix’s jacket. Hyunjin hoped that would be enough to keep the kid from bringing every walker around to his front door.</p><p>Tearing away the pant leg, Hyunjin dowsed his sponge in vodka and got to work.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With everything that had happened, it felt as though it should be well into the night. In truth, though, it was only the afternoon, the sun beating down relentless outside.</p><p>Felix had long fallen asleep, curled up next to Jeongin. The latter was still trembling, his wound thoroughly scrubbed of rotting bits and bandaged shut with some sterilized gauze and duct tape. It was silent for a long while, until Hyunjin finished his can of beans and tossed it away.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” he mumbled to Jeongin. “Once the adrenaline crashes, you’ll be able to sleep. In fact, you won’t have a choice.” Jeongin just stared at him, unblinking, giving a barely-there nod. He was still ashen and his skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, but he seemed a bit more relaxed.</p><p>“So,” Hyunjin spoke up again. “How did you end up running through fences with a foreigner?”</p><p>“We’ve…been together since the beginning,” he rasped out. “He was flying from Australia, and while he was in the air, the outbreak hit. By the time he landed, Seoul was in chaos. He had no idea what was happening—well, no one did, really. Me and a thousand others had ducked into the airport, trying to find somewhere to hide. Felix-hyung was wandering around, getting shoved and stepped on…he was so lost and confused. I just-just grabbed him, pulled him into my hiding spot. We waited it out. We stuck together from then on.”</p><p>“How do you communicate? You speak English?”</p><p>“Not a word,” Jeongin gave a humorless laugh. “It’s just…a lot of charades.”</p><p>“You know, your chances would’ve been a lot better if you’d left him.”</p><p>“He’s saved my life,” Jeongin scowled when Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “And I’ve saved his.”</p><p>“Maybe your life wouldn’t have needed saving if you were on your own. Mine sure hasn’t.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Jeongin conceded, head dropping. “But if I’m being honest, having Felix-hyung is the only thing that’s kept me sane. Even if I had survived without him…I would’ve lost it ages ago.”</p><p>There was a long pause.</p><p>“How old were you?”</p><p>“Seventeen, during the first wave.”</p><p>“And him?”</p><p>“Eighteen”</p><p>Shit. Too young.</p><p>Hyunjin wasn’t much older, only about two years, but at least when the outbreak began, he’d had what he needed to survive. These two were just kids who had the misfortune of surviving of see the world go to shit.</p><p>“Hyung?”</p><p>Hyunjin glanced back to see Felix was awake, big eyes staring up at him like a puppy.</p><p>“Don’t call me that. I’m not your hyung.” He exaggerated his Korean so Felix got the gist.</p><p>“Then…<em>can we know your name?” </em>Felix asked in English.</p><p>“…Hwang Hyunjin.”</p><p>Felix smiled, his face transforming into something soft and youthful. “Hyunjin-hyung.”</p><p><em>“I’m not!” </em>Hyunjin snapped in English, nose crinckled.</p><p>“You could be…” Jeongin cut in.</p><p>“No, not a chance,” Hyunjin stared him down, then Felix. <em>“You heal, then you leave. Understand?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“But, we could help you! We can make supply runs and help you stock pile—well, Jeongin can’t right now, but I’ll pull double the weight until he’s healed! We won’t drag you down, we’ll make things easier, I swear!”</em>
</p><p><em>"Why you want to stay? Eh? </em><em>Maybe I will kill you."  </em>Hyunjin huffed. "If you two trust me 'cause I dumped some booze on your leg-"</p><p>“Hyung, please,” Jeongin added. “You wouldn’t be alone anymore? I know you think not being alone is a bad thing, and for survival, maybe you’re right…but wouldn’t it be nice to have someone again? Maybe someone to watch your back or even just…talk with?”</p><p>There was a long moment when Hyunjin looked deep in thought, brows furrowed. He could tell Felix and Jeongin were all but holding their breath, waiting for his response.</p><p>Finally, Hyunjin let out a loud sigh, flopping back onto his palette and waving a hand dismissively.</p><p>“Ya know what? Do what you want. I don’t care either way.”</p><p>He could pretend he didn’t feel a dangerous welling in his chest—excitement or fear, he couldn’t tell which. He could pretend he didn’t hear the tired but overjoyed giggles of the younger two that threatened to make him smile. He could pretend he didn’t feel his eyes prick with tears at the idea of no longer being alone after two long years.</p><p>He could pretend that he was distant, aloof, and uncaring.</p><p>And he would.</p><p>Even if that wasn’t the truth.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Time passes, and things begin to change.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next week or so proved that Hyunjin wasn’t going to be having much alone time from then on.</p>
<p>The first night, he only pretended to sleep. The same couldn’t be said for his new “companions”—or maybe “leeches” was a better word. Both were snoring before the sun had finished setting, and it made Hyunjin question how they’d survived the past two years being so lax.</p>
<p>Felix was the first to jerk himself awake, seeming almost like he’d ripped himself from the middle of a nightmare; his eyes were wide, terrified, then he seemed to remember who and where he was.</p>
<p><em>“Good morning,” </em>Hyunjin said sarcastically, watching Felix jump at the sound of his voice. <em>“You’re awake. So, we work.”</em></p>
<p><em>“Uh—work?” </em>Felix mumbled, groggy. <em>“What’d’you mean?”</em></p>
<p><em>“You used my things. So, we’ll go…” </em>Hyunjin motioned with his hands, losing the words. He stood, moving to sling an empty duffle around his body and lace up his boots.</p>
<p><em>“What about Jeongin?” </em>Felix asked, scrambling to his feet, rubbing his eyes hard.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jeongin will stay here.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wha-we can</em>
  <em>’t just leave him here! We should—I don’t know, leave a note or something?”</em>
</p>
<p>Hyunjin paused, considering this, before strolling over and kicking Jeongin in the foot, jerking him awake.</p>
<p><em>“Gah!” </em>the youngest exclaimed, eyes wide and darting back and forth in search of danger.</p>
<p>“Ya,” Hyunjin snapped his fingers to bring Jeongin’s eyes forward. “We’re going out. Stay here and heal. Don’t move, don’t try to leave. Got it?” Jeongin stared blankly, then gave a slow nod. That was good enough for Hyunjin.</p>
<p>“Let’s go,” he motioned to Felix, and they left the back room.</p>
<p>They wove their way around the debris littering the store, the sun glaring through the front windows. Hyunjin ducked behind the counter, grabbing his rifle and another pistol, shoving the latter into his waist band. He took a sizeable hunting knife and tossed it to Felix, who just barely caught it and avoided losing a finger. Hyunjin shoved a swiss army knife into his boot along with a coil of sturdy wire before he stood and made for the front.</p>
<p>He peaked out into the old shopping square, finding it sufficiently empty of humans and walkers alike, and gave a half-assed wave over his shoulder for Felix to follow.</p>
<p>The heat was terrible, making their gear feel ten times heavier. Even Hyunjin in his sleeveless shirt and Felix in his threadbare tee, were both dripping with sweat within minutes. Hyunjin, for the thousandth time, told himself he should just chop off his long locks; blonde ends and dark roots that have been growing out since the first wave. It was far too long now.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix reminded Hyunjin of his presence. <em>“Where are we?”</em></p>
<p><em>“I don’t know.” </em>And that was the truth, Hyunjin didn’t know. All he knew was that they weren’t in Seoul, where gangs had a run of the city, constantly at war with the government compound built in the heart of Gangnam. Hyunjin had been eager to get as far away from the mess as possible.</p>
<p>“Hyung, <em>how do you speak English so well?” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“I was…English major. Before.” </em>
</p>
<p>Felix only nodded and let silence fall again. The topic of “before” was always sensitive.</p>
<p>They did their work quickly and efficiently, and Hyunjin hated to admit it, but it was nice having extra hands around. Despite Felix’s aura of naivety, he was a survivor, and he acted like one. His eyes were always searching, constantly glancing over his shoulder. He knew what was good to grab and what wasn’t. Hyunjin didn’t have to hold his hand like he thought he would.</p>
<p>By midday, Hyunjin was able to count some old bedsheets, a screwdriver, and a bottle of Everclear as a win. Later, they sat in an alley, enjoying the shade and a lovely lunch of a jar of pickled radish and water when Felix spoke up.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix motioned him closer. Hyunjin paused midchew before scooting, brows furrowed.</p>
<p>Producing a shoelace from his pocket, Felix reached around Hyunjin’s head, thin fingers lightly scraping his scalp as he gathered up his hair and pulled it together. He tied the lace tight, wrapping Hyunjin’s hair and keeping it up and out of his face.</p>
<p>Hyunjin watched Felix’s face as he worked, getting a close up view of all those freckles hiding under dirt. His eyes were bright when he was concentrating, his small nose slightly scrunched as his hands worked. When Felix pulled away with a satisfied smile, for some reason, Hyunjin felt…better.</p>
<p>“Hyung, do you like it?” Felix asked in Korean. <em>“It’ll keep the hair off your neck. Keep you cool.”</em></p>
<p>The corners of Hyunjin’s lips quirked up. “I like it.”</p>
<p>Felix smiled again, that bright smile Hyunjin remembered seeing yesterday. Hyunjin let out a sigh of defeat.</p>
<p>“Felix.” Felix’s smile fell a bit. <em>“If you stay…you learn Korean. </em>Understand?” And the smile was back, brighter than the sun, five thousand kilowatts beaming straight into Hyunjin’s heart.</p>
<p>“Yes! Yes, hyung! I understand!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin rolled his eyes, tipping back the rest of the radish juice with a disgusted face—waste not, want not.</p>
<p>“Alright, let’s go. We have work to do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dammit, slow down, Jeongin! If you tear open that wound again, you’re on your own!” Jeongin did as asked, if only slightly. Felix was on his left, helping him stretch out his legs after multiple days of letting the wound heal over.</p>
<p>It had been touch and go, especially one night in particular that had Jeongin sweating out a fever, but Hyunjin’s rough patch job had done well enough that Jeongin’s body was able to push out the infection and begin to heal.</p>
<p>It was a good start, but no more than that.</p>
<p>The longer they stayed, the more apparent it became that Hyunjin had, in a way, forgotten how to act around other people. He was constantly forgetting Felix was there to help, often walking off without a word or pulling his gun every time Felix startled him. Hyunjin wondered if it would get better, or if his two years had broken him.</p>
<p>He watched from where he sat as Jeongin hobbled around in front of their store, carefully stretching the muscles so the skin wouldn’t tear. He and Felix were giggling about something when a blur of motion caught Hyunjin’s eye.</p>
<p>He stood, grabbing his rifle.</p>
<p>“Felix, Jeongin, get inside."</p>
<p>They both stopped, faces falling into confusion, jumping when Hyunjin suddenly raised and aimed the gun. The movement was just behind them.</p>
<p>“Go, now!” Felix all but lifted Jeongin into his arms, running past Hyunjin and to the store as a man sprung from around a corner. Teeth bared and eyes crazed, he charged after Felix with a yell.</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t hesitate. He pulled the trigger, gunning the man down midstride. He hit the cement with a sickening thud, face first. Without lowering his gun, Hyunjin moved quickly to the body, putting an extra bullet through his head to be safe.</p>
<p>Satisfied, Hyunjin lowered his weapon, using his toe to turn the man’s head to the side. His whole body was scarcely clothed, covered in mud and who knows what else, hair matted together. He absolutely reeked.</p>
<p>Tied around his neck was a string of teeth that Hyunjin knew were human.</p>
<p>“Hyung?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin spun, gripping his gun, but it was only Felix, who already had his hands up in surrender. Hyunjin relaxed.</p>
<p>“Hyung, what the hell was that? That’s no walker…” Jeongin asked from the front door.</p>
<p>“A cannibal. Gross fuckers. They try and snatch weak links from groups of people.”</p>
<p>“What? I’ve never heard of that!” Jeongin said, sounding sick.</p>
<p>“Hyung, what’s that mean?” Felix asked, still staring at the body.</p>
<p>“Cann-i-bal,” Hyunjin sounded out. <em>“He eats people.” </em>Felix went green.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Hyunjin took his shoulder, turning him around. “That’s enough outside time for one day.”</p>
<p>Felix shuffled out of the square, helping Jeongin to the back room. Hyunjin did one more sweep before following them.</p>
<p>More people attracted more attention. Hyunjin wondered how long they could afford to stay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d managed to keep a low profile, but with two extra mouths to feed, Hyunjin was out of supplies within four months. He knew what was in the area, what he’d be able to scavenge for and what he’d be able to find; food wasn’t one of them. Which meant it was time to leave.</p>
<p>Hyunjin tried to make little fan fair of it, though Felix especially insisted there must be some emotional attachment since he spent <em>so long</em> in one place. Hyunjin had just shrugged on his bag and started walking. The others followed.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long before they found a pattern; they’d hit woodlands, then typically a few days later, the forest would clear to an abandoned town. They would scavenge, usually finding enough to last them another few days in the woods.</p>
<p>They hunted, though it proved unreliable. There were great days when Jeongin would shoot three or four rabbits at a time— “Nice job, little fox,” Hyunjin would ruffle his hair—and others where the land would be completely barren of life.</p>
<p>The worse times, however, was when they ran into a town inhabited by walkers.</p>
<p>One or two walkers are never a problem; they’re slow and loud, easy to spot and easy to kill. However, when faced with a hoard, there were only so may bullets or knives one could use before they’d be overwhelmed by sheer number.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was quick and practiced as he reloaded his clip, clicking it back into place before mowing down another five or six walkers ambling toward him. The rifle was powerful recoiling against his shoulder as Hyunjin counted each shot, knowing exactly how much ammunition he had left.</p>
<p>Turning to the others, Felix and Jeongin were well ahead of him, dispatching the last of their own hoard. The town was small and obviously had held a camp of people at one point; old, half standing tents had rows of wooden stakes surrounding them. Whoever lived there had either been wiped out or had moved on. Either way, Hyunjin hoped he and the others would be able to stock up on supplies.</p>
<p>“Hyung, watch out!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin spun back, only for his ankle to be grabbed and send him tumbling. He hit the pavement hard, head bouncing and stars dancing across his vision. He blinked to clear his eyes and saw a legless walker all but on top of him, teeth barred. Hyunjin’s fall had pinned his arm and rifle, and he couldn’t reach his knife.</p>
<p>All he could do was stare death in the face.</p>
<p>Then, the walker’s head exploded into a mess of black blood, spraying Hyunjin as Jeongin suddenly appeared, grabbing the corpse by the collar and throwing it off of him. He turned to Hyunjin, but Felix was already there, gun trained on him.</p>
<p>“Bite?” he asked, looking scared. Hyunjin shook his head, slack jawed, and both boys dropped their weapons and threw themselves on the elder.</p>
<p>Hyunjin caught them, letting them snuggle close despite him being covered in walker goo. Felix was trembling, Jeongin whispering something about that being too close. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around them, squeezing tight.</p>
<p>“You saved me,” he whispered, though neither of them heard it.</p>
<p>That night, after setting up camp in one of the old tents and rinsing off in a nearby well, a their packs and some old, dusty blanckets served as their beds. Hyunjin sat upright to take the first watch, Felix scooting in close and curling up to sleep. Usually, Hyunjin would push him off, mumbling something about the heat. In truth, it was so Hyunjin could have distance if one of them suddenly decided to try and kill him.</p>
<p>For the first time, however, Hyunjin found himself wrapping an arm around the younger and pulling him in closer.</p>
<p>There was a moment of stillness before Felix’s shoulders began to shake, and gentle sobs started sounding throughout the tent. Jeongin tucked himself into Felix’s other side while Hyunjin only held on tighter.</p>
<p>“It’s ok,” he hushed Felix gently, bouncing back and forth between Korean and English. "We’re here. <em>Everything is ok</em>. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, yeah? <em>I’m here.”</em></p>
<p>“Don’t,” Jeongin cut him off, sitting up to level Hyunjin with a stare. “Don’t promise things you don’t mean. That’s…that’s the worst.” Hyunjin stopped for a moment, considering this.</p>
<p>“I do…mean it.” And as he said it, he himself realized it to be true. But Jeongin didn’t flinch.</p>
<p>“We trust you, hyung,” Jeongin said, firm. “Do you trust us?”</p>
<p>“…Yeah. I do.”</p>
<p>“We’d die for you, hyung. Would you die for us? </p>
<p>“Mm, I would.”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Jeongin’s gaze seemed to cut through him. “Would you live for us?”</p>
<p>That hit Hyunjin the hardest. Like a lead weight dropping into his gut.</p>
<p>“…yeah…yeah, I would.” Hyunjin swallowed hard. “I will.”</p>
<p>“Uh, hyung?” Felix croaked, voice breaking with tears. “What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“I trust you <em>means I trust you. Your turn. </em>I trust you.”</p>
<p>“I trust you,” Felix repeated in Korean. <em>“You do?” </em>Hyunjin nodded, letting the two of them curl up close again, hands reaching to hold his own as the night wore on.</p>
<p>It was an odd feeling. He wasn’t sure if there should be joy in having someone to trust, or despair in knowing all the ways such a thing could go wrong. Regardless, there was no turning back now, and all Hyunjin could do was resign himself and admit what he knew to be true.</p>
<p>“Hey, Jeonginnie?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, hyung?”</p>
<p>“That was some speech. How long did you practice?”</p>
<p>“What, I—I didn’t—hyung!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed! Don't worry, we won't go too long without the other memebers. </p>
<p>If you enjoyed, please leave a comment letting me know! I enjoy hearing from readers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes, risks must be taken.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin woke to a massive clap of thunder and Felix screaming.</p>
<p>He bolted upright, blinking the sleep from his eyes until he could clearly see Felix in the low lighting, curled in on himself in the corner, head in his hands. He looked seconds away from ripping chunks clear out of his scalp.</p>
<p>“Felix-hyung!” Jeongin poked his head inside the tent, looking scared and completely drenched from the rain outside. His gun was at the ready.</p>
<p>“It’s ok,” Hyunjin told him, pushing to his knees. “Just a nightmare, I’ll take care of him. Keep watch, ‘kay?” Jeongin nodded slowly, casting one more glance as Felix before ducking back into the storm.</p>
<p>“Hey, Felix, it’s me. It’s your Hyunjin-hyung,” Hyunjin crept closer, lightly brushing his fingertips along the younger’s back. <em>“It’s ok, it’s ok. Let’s practice colors, ok? Always need practice. </em>Let’s start; red.”</p>
<p>Felix gave no indication of having heard him for a long while, gulping down breath after breath, shoulders shaking terribly. Finally, a hoarse whisper drifted past.</p>
<p>“…Red,” Felix repeated.</p>
<p>“Good, Felix,” Hyunjin took his hands in a firmer grip. “Keep going. Orange.”</p>
<p>“Orange…yellow…green…” Felix’s voice wavered. “…green…”</p>
<p>“Blue,” Hyunjin reminded him.</p>
<p>“Blue,” the quivering was better now. “Purple…white…”</p>
<p>Felix kept going naming all the colors he knew in Korean, before moving on to counting. He reached two hundred and forty-seven before he drifted off again, head pillowed on Hyunjin’s thigh. Hyunjin kept petting through his hair, knowing his chances of falling back asleep were slim to none.</p>
<p>Felix stirred again hours later when Jeongin slipped back inside, hair and clothes still damp. They all sat in silence, a heavy weight collectively sitting in their minds. A growl from someone’s stomach broke the silence. Felix sighed.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix mumbled. “Is there a plan?”</p>
<p>“…yeah,” Hyunjin nodded. “You’re not going to like it, but we’re out of options.”</p>
<p>They’d gone days on end without food, supplies running empty and the woods they occupied void of any game to hunt. Their traps had all come up empty, and they were starving. It had never reached this point, until now.</p>
<p>Hyunjin took the two of them outside, into the cold and fog left by the storm. It chilled him straight through his thin jacket, the smell of rain still hanging in the air. Finding a thin stick Hyunjin began to draw in the mud. He traced out two large squares, with distance between them, adding some circles here and there around them. Once, he’d finished, he threw the stick and stared at the ground, thinking.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Felix asked.</p>
<p>“The farm that sits on the edge of town,” Hyunjin said absently.</p>
<p>“This is where you were yesterday?” Jeongin asked. “It’s populated, we agreed we’d stay away.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t answer. He just kept staring, an internal war raging.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking?” Jeongin pressed.</p>
<p>“I counted four people yesterday,” Hyunjin said quietly. “There could be more, but…they’re well stocked. Their supplies are kept here, the barn. There are regular patrols, more to ward off animals than people I imagine.”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Jeongin cut in while Felix struggled to keep up. “You want to <em>steal</em> from them?”</p>
<p>“They’re well stocked,” Hyunjin repeated. “If we aim small, they may not even notice the difference. Not right away, at least.” Hyunjin looked up at the two, finally, seeing the protest in their eyes. “We have no choice. It’s a risk, but we starve if we don’t.”</p>
<p>There was silence again, only the rustle of the tree interrupting. They all felt the sticky feeling of remorse clinging to their chests and their ribs, but none of them could find it within themselves to object.</p>
<p>“Jeonginnie,” Felix finally spoke. “I’m hungry.”</p>
<p>Jeongin and Hyunjin both inhaled sharply, the stabbing, empty pains in their own guts flaring. They met each other’s eyes before the youngest nodded. Hyunjin breathed out hard, air whistling through his clenched teeth.</p>
<p>“Ok. We’ll aim for light weight dry foods. No cans this time. Too heavy, too much noise—"</p>
<p>Hyunjin laid out the plan best he could, all the while praying he wasn’t leading them to their deaths.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They laid side by side by side in the tall grass behind the barn, barely moving and barely breathing. Hyunjin watched with sharp eyes as the man—boy?—passed and circled back toward the main house after his patrol. Hyunjin moved into a crouch, motioning Felix and Jeongin to follow suit. Their muscles tightened, and the second the front door to the house swung closed, they took off.</p>
<p>They raced from the grass, sliding to a stop beside the back wall. Hyunjin pulled a plank loose and swung it to the side and motioned, the younger two slipping inside before he followed, gently letting the wood fall back into place without making a sound.</p>
<p>The hole in the wall put them right in the middle of a horse stall, different boxes and supplies lining the walls. Hyunjin took a breath, eyes scanning, before motioning for them to get started.</p>
<p>They moved quickly and quietly, rummaging through what was there and taking what they could. The first thing Hyunjin found was old packs of dried fruit, then some ramen, still in the plastic. He deemed the ramen too noisy and moved on with the fruit.</p>
<p>After a while, Hyunjin motioned to Jeongin and Felix, telling them to wrap it up. He received two nods, then turned to close up his pack. Just then, he heard the sound of two cans knocking together, turning just in time to see a can of veggies plummet to the barn floor.</p>
<p>His heart leapt, reaching for the can.</p>
<p>Felix beat him to it, catching the can smoothly, freezing with held breath and wide eyes. No one moved, no one breathed for a moment, until finally Hyunjin relaxed, rolling his eyes in relief. Too close.</p>
<p>Jeongin was silently scolding Felix while Hyunjin turned back to his bag, silently zipping it up. Almost done.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a pair of black boots stepped in front of him and a gun was pressed against his head.</p>
<p>“Don’t move.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin froze, then sighed heavily, feeling his heart drop like a stone to the pit of his stomach. Ah, shit.</p>
<p>He kept his head down, watching as two more people entered, all with guns drawn. He heard Felix and Jeongin both drop what they were holding and freeze, not knowing what to do next.</p>
<p>“Hands up,” said the one holding Hyunjin at gunpoint. Hyunjin complied, glancing up at them. “All of you, hands up now.” It was a boy, perhaps a bit older than himself, tall with brown hair and sharp features.</p>
<p>“Now,” he said, pressing the gun harder against Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin rolled his eyes in annoyance. “How did you get in here?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t answer. Instead, he met the boy’s gaze head on from where he was kneeling. They stared each other down for a long while before Hyunjin spoke.</p>
<p>“Felix,” he said, switching to English. <em>“When I say go, you take Jeongin. You run. Understand?” </em>If Hyunjin was quick enough, he might be able to give the two a chance to escape. Maybe grabbing at the gun? Charging one of the other two?</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix said softly.</p>
<p><em>“Actually,” </em>the person on the right chimed in. In English. <em>“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” </em></p>
<p>Fuck. Just their luck. Hyunjin closed his eyes, cursing silently.</p>
<p>“That’s smart, though,” the English speaker continued in Korean. “Switching languages like that.” Hyunjin only answered him with an unimpressed glare.</p>
<p>The first guy was gearing up to speak again when a fourth guy, shorter with round eyes and cheeks, skidded to a halt outside the stall.</p>
<p>“I told Chan-hyung,” he said, a little breathless. “He’s waiting for them.” The first guy looked back at Hyunjin was a chilling smile.</p>
<p>“Perfect.” He motioned for Hyunjin to stand. “Let’s go. Your friends can stay here, maybe get to know my friends a bit.”</p>
<p>“Hyung!” Jeongin went to stand, only for the guy on the left to run him down, knocking him back to his knees. Hyunjin saw red.</p>
<p>“Don’t you fucking touch him!” The rifle was pushed even harder into his temple in warning as the short guy took him by the arm. Hyunjin kept his eyes on the two, a lump forming in his throat at the terrified looks on their faces.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The house didn’t look like the den of a bunch of cannibals, so Hyunjin counted that as a win. It looked old, like there should be a grandma crocheting or making kimchi in the kitchen.</p>
<p>However, that didn’t make the carpet any more forgiving when Hyunjin was thrown down onto it. The Tall Guy and the Short Guy were in the living room with him, guns drawn.</p>
<p>And they sat there in total silence for quite a bit, only interrupted but the floorboards creaking whenever anyone shifted their weight. A clock ticked away over on a shelf. Hyunjin kept waiting for something to happen, for someone to appear, but they just kept waiting. Finally, he glanced around, eyebrows raised.</p>
<p>“So, does this guy just like being fashionably late, or—”</p>
<p>“Shut up,” Tall Guy snapped, though it seemed he had also gotten impatient. He strutted his way to stand in front of Hyunjin, loading his gun loudly. “How did you get into the barn? Tell me, now.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Have you stolen from us before? What did you take?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin rolled his eyes, looking off out a window. The butt of the gun met the back of his head hard before the barrel was back at his temple.</p>
<p>“Wipe that <em>smug fucking </em>look off your face, now! Or so help me—”</p>
<p>“Minho,” a new voice cut him off. “Enough.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin blinked, stars still dancing in his eyes from the hit, and saw another guy enter, about the same age as all the others. He was light and curly haired, with sculpted features and clear eyes. This must be “Chan.” Not exactly the boss Hyunjin was expecting.</p>
<p>Tall Guy—Minho—stepped back as Chan took his place in front of Hyunjin. Their eyes met, and neither spoke for a long moment. Then, Chan smiled.</p>
<p>“You weren’t answering any of his questions,” Chan said, tone deceptively light. “So, I can only assume you won’t answer mine. Though I hope you prove me wrong.” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Give me a reason why I should,” Hyunjin snipped, lifting his nose into the air. “I’m dead either way.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know that,” Chan contradicted. “We do our best not to be trigger-happy lunatics, you know.”</p>
<p>“Ha. Given that one of your dogs just threatened to give your carpet a paint job because he didn’t like my face,” Hyunjin cut his eyes at Minho, “forgive me if I find that…doubtful.”</p>
<p>“And I still will, so you better fucking watch it,” Minho snarled, not taking his eyes off Hyunjin. His rifle was still raised, finger heavy on the trigger.</p>
<p>“Stand down,” Chan said firmly, and Minho begrudgingly listened. He turned back to Hyunjin. “So, do we get to know your name.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes hard. “How about where you came from? Your age?” Silence. “Alright, then just tell us this: how did you get into the barn, what were you trying to steal, and have you done this before?” Hyunjin blinked slow at him. Chan sighed.</p>
<p>“Listen, friend,” Chan kneeled in front of him. “Those last three are all we care about. That’s all we need to know. So, answer them and this will be a lot smoother sailing, for everyone.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked at him for a moment, then turned to let out a huge yawn.</p>
<p>The vein on Chan’s neck bulged as his jaw clenched. Cracks of anger began to show through his façade.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Chan conceded, standing. His tone and demeanor changed completely, becoming cold and furious. “The plan <em>was </em>to scare you, make sure you never came back here again. But that won’t work on you clearly. You like pretending you don’t care, eh? So, if I, say, stabbed you in the shoulder or broke your leg, that might not do the job. You would heal, and you might forget.</p>
<p>“However,” Chan continued, pacing slowly as he spoke. “The two you came with. Now, they’re a different story, eh?” Hyunjin’s head snapped up, a lump of rage beginning to take shape in his throat. “Oh, hit a soft spot, did I? Bet if I hurt one of them instead, you wouldn’t forget that, would you?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s fist hit the ground hard, Minho’s rifle retaking its place at his head.</p>
<p>“If you so much as <em>fucking touch </em>either of them, I swear to god, I’ll rip your fucking dick off through your mouth and leave the rest of you for the fucking walkers!”</p>
<p>“Colorful,” Chan grimaced. He turned to Short Boy. “Tell them to bring the others in.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin surged forward, hands ready to take Chan by the throat, but Minho was already there. He took Hyunjin in a choke, the barrel of the gun pressed down on his esophagus. Minho turned them to watch as the other two entered, Felix and Jeongin in front with their hands still up. They were forced to their knees but kept their heads down.</p>
<p>“Stop, please, I’ll tell you everything!” Hyunjin cried, chest filling with fear as Chan slowly approached the two.  “My name is Hwang Hyunjin, I’m twenty-two years old. I came from Seoul, I’ve been traveling south since the breakout.” He spat information as fast as he could. “We’ve never stolen from you or anyone before, but we were desperate and starving, we only planned to take food, whatever was light that we could carry, something you wouldn’t notice. It was my plan, all me, they just went alo—”</p>
<p>Hyunjin was cut off as Minho tightened his grip and lifted, effectively cutting off what air Hyunjin had left. “Too late for that now,” he smirked. Hyunjin struggled against him, but his feet were barely brushing the ground. He could only watch on.</p>
<p>“Don’t let him pass out,” Chan glanced over his shoulder with a cruel smile, easing a large hunting knife from his hip with practiced fingers. “I want him to see this.”</p>
<p>“Hyung!” Jeongin cried, tears falling down his cheek leaving trails. Hyunjin kicked and fought, but the edges of his vision were already going spotty. “No, please, stop!”</p>
<p>He watched helpless as Chan grabbed Felix by the hair, forcing his head up, knife at the ready.</p>
<p>“Please! Don’t hurt them!”</p>
<p>Then, everything seemed to stop as Chan inhaled sharply, but didn’t move to strike.</p>
<p>Everything was still, waiting for the knife to fall, but it didn’t. Instead, Chan’s grip seemed to tremble and fail, the knife clattering to the floor by Felix’s knees. A quivering exhale could be heard, followed by a choked voice.</p>
<p>“…Felix?” </p>
<p>No one moved. No one spoke. Felix looked up, blinking tears from his eyes, confused. He seemed to study Chan’s face before his own changed, almost unbelieving as if recalling something from a past life.</p>
<p>“Chris?” Felix said, as if asking himself. There was a shudder that passed through all of Chan’s group, looking at one another, then back to their leader. Guns slowly fell, and Hyunjin’s feet found the floor again, air exploding back into his lungs.</p>
<p>He gasp, gulping oxygen, as Chan—Chris?—fell to his knees in front of Felix, hands hovering over Felix’s face as though wanting to touch him, but too afraid to. Their eyes were both wide, tears gathering once again, before a sob from Felix broke their stupor.</p>
<p>Chan surged forward, wrapping Felix in his arms so tight Hyunjin could see him shaking. Felix collapsed into him, sobbing horribly into his chest.</p>
<p><em>“You’re alive,”</em> Chan said in English, with a accent strikingly similar to Felix’s. He talked like he was in a dream. <em>“How…how are you alive? Your plane…they said planes were going down…”</em></p>
<p>Felix couldn’t respond; he was far too hysterical. Chan didn’t seem to mind, and simply held him closer.</p>
<p>Brain finally clearing from being choked out, Hyunjin met eyes with Jeongin, both conveying understanding. Felix had talked about “Chris” before. He was Australian, too, a long-distance friend of sorts that he’d been close to before the outbreak. Chris had been the one Felix was coming to Korea to see. He was the reason Felix was on the peninsula when all hell broke loose. Chris was the reason Felix had gotten caught in the outbreak.</p>
<p>Hyunjin let out a humorless laugh, glancing over his shoulder at Minho with a wry smile.</p>
<p>“Small world, eh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Be warned, we're diving into some deep emotional territory next! The blood and gore will just have to wait...</p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to drop a comment if you did, since I need constent validation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finding understanding is never an easy feat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At this point, he really wished popcorn were still a thing.</p>
<p>Hyunjin watched the verbal tennis match between Chan and Minho, who Hyunjin could only assume was second in command. He sat cross legged next to Felix and Jeongin, resting on cushions one of the others provided—the English speaker, Hyunjin thought.</p>
<p>The living room looked much less gloomy lit by the fireplace, the overcast weather shining dim white light through the windows. It looked like it may rain soon. Even snow if they were especially unlucky. Hyunjin huffed in thought and leaned back onto his hands, the old carpet digging into his palms as his eyes went back and forth and back and forth.</p>
<p>“I get that, hyung, trust me, I do,” Minho said, voice raised. “But taking in all <em>three </em>of them?! That’s three extra mouths to feed! And for what, some kid you knew before?”</p>
<p>“No, you clearly don’t ‘get it,’” Chan replied, significantly calmer. “He was more than just some kid, he—”</p>
<p>“It was <em>before, </em>hyung! He won’t be the same person!”</p>
<p>“I trust Felix, Minho. Changed or not.”</p>
<p>“You can’t trust him, you don’t know him anymore!”</p>
<p>“You don’t know that.”</p>
<p>“How could I not know that?! This world has all of us fucked up, no one’s an exception!”</p>
<p>“Even if that is true, it doesn’t matter.” Chan’s tone turned to ice in that moment. “You can’t tell me that if you—any of you—found someone from before, found that they were alive…family, or a friend or whatever…you can’t tell me you’d be able to leave them behind again.” He leveled everyone in the room with a stare.</p>
<p>Chan was right; no one, not even Hyunjin, would do something like that. Hyunjin remembered the time he found bag of his favorite snack in a convenience store, stale but edible. He’d cried the whole day, overwhelmed with the feeling of home, as if he’d gotten a piece of his old self back. He couldn’t imagine finding a person he’d known, maybe even loved. He couldn’t imagine himself in Chan or Felix’s shoes.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Minho growled, under his breath. “But the other two? Especially that brat with the ponytail?” Minho threw a disgusted look his way, and Hyunjin responded with a cheeky wink.</p>
<p>“Felix won’t leave them, so they stay. Besides, extra mouths mean extra hands. They’ll pull their weight.” Chan had no reason so believe that was the truth, but his words left no room for argument. Minho’s head dropped as he fumed in silence, and Hyunjin took that as his cue. He cleared his throat loudly, and heads turned to him.</p>
<p>“Not that this isn’t endlessly entertaining, especially for me,” Hyunjin stood, throwing his weight carelessly, “who says we wanna live with you?”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix said, almost a whisper.</p>
<p>“In case no one else recalls, not even twenty minutes ago, you,” Hyunjin pointed at Chan, “were about to carve a chunk out of Felix with that pretty blade of yours. Can’t say I’d be able to have sweet dreams sleeping next to you.”</p>
<p>Chan and Hyunjin locked eyes, feeling very much like before when Chan was standing and Hyunjin had a gun to his head, only this time, the playing field was leveled. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, mocking, and Chan in turn gave nothing away. Finally, Chan’s head dropped and he nodded, jaw clenched.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Chan said easily. “I was more than ready to hurt Felix. I was ready to send him away, bleeding out for the walkers to smell. Maybe even disfigure him. And I would’ve, if Felix had been anyone else. Because that’s the shit I’m willing to do to protect my family, Hwang Hyunjin.” Chan stood a bit taller, shoulders squared and strong. “I have no delusions about who I am, or what I’m willing to do. I don’t go to bed telling myself I’m a good person, or that I’m justified in what I do, who I hurt. But frankly, I don’t care. I don’t care who I hurt, I don’t care who I kill. And I do it for those I care about, because I’d do anything to protect my family. I have a hard time believing you don’t feel the same.”</p>
<p>Chan’s eyes cut to Felix and Jeongin, and Hyunjin felt the air rush from his chest. Chan was right, Hyunjin would’ve done the same and more if it had been to protect them.</p>
<p>After a long pause, his words hanging in the air, Chan continued.</p>
<p>“Felix is my family, and you’re his. Which makes you ours. So, that means that protection now falls onto you as well.” Chan walked forward, extending his hand to Hyunjin. He was holding his hunting knife by the blade, offering him the handle. “Stay. Let’s see how this works.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin stared at the knife, eyes wide for a while, mind racing. Finally, he rolled his eyes with a sigh, taking the knife with a flourish.</p>
<p>“So dramatic,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>This was the last thing he wanted, staying in a farmhouse with a bunch of possibly-slash-completely murderous strangers. What he wanted was to swoop Jeongin and Felix into his arms and whisk them far away, where it was just them and the only dangers they had to worry about were undead ones. However, he knew he couldn’t do that to Felix. Felix would never forgive him, and Hyunjin would never forgive himself for hurting him.</p>
<p>Chan smiled, dimples surprisingly popping up on his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Well then, looks like we’ve got work to do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Obviously, Hyunjin didn’t sleep that night.</p>
<p>“We’ll start tomorrow,” Chan had said before he whisked Felix away to a room, alone, where Hyunjin had stood guard for hours. After the clouds had cleared, the sun had long sunk beneath the trees, and the only sounds coming from the room had been muffled English, he decided Felix was safe enough and went to find Jeongin.</p>
<p>He tracked him down to find the English speaker—Seungmin, he introduced himself—giving him an, admittedly, much needed haircut. Apparently, Seungmin had been delighted to learn Jeongin was younger than himself and had immediately taken to coddling at every given moment.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt sick to his stomach.</p>
<p>As he sat on the front porch, well into the night, keeping watch, he only leaned back as the feeling grew stronger. His mind began to spiral, falling further and pulling him deeper into the darkness. Emotions, that sick feeling, they were building up inside him.</p>
<p>For the first time in a long time, he was alone again. He couldn’t see Felix or Jeongin. What if they were gone? Where were they?</p>
<p>Hyunjin shook his head, but the fuzziness didn’t clear. He reached up, smacking himself hard on the temple a few times, letting the throbbing pain bring him back down to earth. Felix and Jeongin were inside, they were asleep. He swallowed thickly, mouth feeling dry and his tongue feeling too large.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was feeling so much; was he angry? Upset? Scared? Maybe it was some twisted rendition of all three. He felt his breathing quicken as the yard in front of him, lit by the moon, began to twist and spin. Unable to take anymore, he bolted to his feet and leapt from the porch, leaving his rifle behind.</p>
<p>He marched with purpose, breathing and heartbeat erratic, boots thudding across the lawn. Once he’d made it to the barn, he swung his fist as hard as he could into the wood.</p>
<p>Pain exploded through his hand, old wood splintering his skin and leaving his knuckles shredded, but he didn’t stop. He kept swinging, pounding his fists into the barn over and over and over.</p>
<p>Harder, hit it harder. More pain, that’s fine.</p>
<p>Tears began to cloud his vision, his jaw cracking with how hard it was clenching. His blood was racing.</p>
<p>Over and over and over—</p>
<p>“Ya.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin leapt out of his skin, spinning around wide eyed and frantic. Standing behind him was the shorter guy from the barn, with strong features and dark hair falling over his forehead. He was leveling Hyunjin with a very unimpressed glare. Hyunjin couldn’t remember his name.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt himself crash from the adrenaline. His chest was heaving, cold air stinging almost as bad as his fists. He began to tremble. Hyunjin didn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>Luckily, it seemed the guy didn’t really care.</p>
<p>He walked up to Hyunjin, taking him by the wrist and pulling him back toward the house. Any other time, a stranger touching him would’ve been a ‘hell no,’ red flags and sirens sounding off in Hyunjin’s head. In that moment, though, his meltdown had left Hyunjin weak and pliant, both in body and mind.</p>
<p>He let himself be pulled into the house, by passing both bedrooms and heading up the stairs. They entered a third room, maybe an office in other life, and Hyunjin was taken to the window. The guy heaved the glass up and motioned to the roof right outside.</p>
<p>“Sit. I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked apprehensively at the window, wondering just how sturdy the old roof could be, before huffing and climbing out. He sat on the edge, feet dangling, looking up at the stars as he allowing his mind to stay blissfully blank. The spell was broken when the guy returned.</p>
<p>He plopped next to Hyunjin, the wood creaking its complaints, with a tackle box in hand. From it, he produced the oldest jar of tiger balm Hyunjin had ever seen. The lid was unscrewed and the unmistakable scent hit Hyunjin’s nose like a train.</p>
<p>“Look up.” Hyunjin obeyed, liftin his chin and continuing his soft focus on the night sky. He started when cold fingers suddenly met his throat, smearing tiger balm on what must’ve been a bruise from Minho choking him earlier. The tiger balm mixed with the cold air was almost painful, but Hyunjin stayed still.</p>
<p>Neither of them spoke. Hyunjin couldn’t fathom why this stranger was spending his time tending to Hyunjin’s wounds, but he supposed he wasn’t going to complain either.</p>
<p>“I’m Changbin.” The graveled voice broke the silence, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicked to him. Changbin finished applying the balm, and Hyunjin lowered his chin as he screwed the lid back on the jar. He put it to the side, grabbing for Hyunjin’s hands next.</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t respond, watching solemn as Changbin cleaned and bandaged his knuckles, picking out what splinters he could. Changbin finally finished, packing back up his tackle box and finally looking Hyunjin in the eye again. Hyunjin imagined he looked like death; pale, maybe a bit green, bags under his eyes and hollowed cheeks.</p>
<p>“Why’d you do that?” Hyunjin asked, and they both knew he was talking about more than just the medical treatment. Changbin took a deep breath, considering his answer.</p>
<p>“Because…I get it,” Changbin said, looking forward, away from the other. “I get you.”</p>
<p>“I doubt that.”</p>
<p>“That so?” In truth, Changbin looked like he couldn’t care less what Hyunjin thought, but for some reason, he kept going. “Then why don’t you admit why you’re really upset.”</p>
<p>“Who said I’m upset?”</p>
<p>“I already know the answer,” Changbin ignored him, and Hyunjin gritted his teeth. “You can say it, or I can. Makes no difference to me.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tch. </em>Tell me then, if you know me <em>so well.” </em>Hyunjin snarled in Changbin’s direction. He hated people presuming to understand him, the things he does. They didn’t know shit.</p>
<p>But Changbin met him head on, eyes narrowing right back.</p>
<p>“You’re not upset because Chan-hyung almost hurt the Felix kid, or because you think we’re a bunch of murderers or you don’t trust us. You’re upset because of you, and because of your two friends.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt every muscle in his body tense. He didn’t want to listen.</p>
<p>“You’re upset because it was your plan. And because that one-in-a-million chance of Chan-hyung knowing the kid is the only reason they didn’t get hurt.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s stomach twisted in knots, his heart trying to claw its way up his throat.</p>
<p>“You’re upset because you know that if things had gone differently, they would probably both be dead. And you would’ve been the one who led them there.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin jerked to the side, the nausea finally taking its toll, and spilled what little bile he had in his stomach off the roof. He coughed, eyes and throat burning, tears beginning to stream down his face. The sickness passed, but the tears didn’t; instead, Hyunjin sniffled, sobs finding their way out into the open. His shoulders began to shake, and soon, he was fully weeping.</p>
<p>Damn. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried.</p>
<p>Changbin was right. It was lucky, impossibly so, that Chan had been the one who caught them, and that luck was the only reason they were unscathed. What if they’d chosen a different house, further out, or in a town? What then? Hyunjin could’ve lost them, and there would be no one to blame but himself.</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s sobs had begun to quite when Changbin spoke again.</p>
<p>“I was like you,” he mumbled. “I was alone, too. Thought I didn’t need anything or anyone, because the less in this world you care about, the better. But they found me when I was dying, and saved me. They gave me love and a family. And when someone has nothing, and you give them something, that something becomes their whole world. Their everything.” Changbin looked at him, eyes deceptively blank, but misty. “They’re still that for me, those four. I imagine the kids are like that for you.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin nodded once. “Loosing them…it’d be like loosing a limb…having your heart…ripped out…”</p>
<p>Changbin nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“…don’t worry about what never happened. Just…think about now. Protect them now.”</p>
<p>Surprisingly, Hyunjin felt his heart lift, like weight had been relieved from his shoulders. His eyes were sore and red, his face was wet from tears, his nose was threatening to drip, and his throat ached, but Hyunjin felt oddly good.</p>
<p>Fuck. As much as he hated to admit it, Changbin really did understand him.</p>
<p>Hyunjin let out a long sigh, starring off into the night sky, wishing—not for the first time—he were far, far from this world. Changbin fell silent, seemingly lost in thought himself. Hyunjin wondered briefly what tomorrow held, then decided it didn’t matter.</p>
<p>He would do as Changbin said; protect them now. And if he had to take a few bullets along the way, he had no qualms with that.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed, and that everyone's having a good holiday. </p>
<p>Let me know what you thought, and moreso, what you'd like to see happen. Until next time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A new day brings new challenges.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their first morning at the farm started with breakfast, a novelty the three of them hadn’t had in years. Maybe half of a potato wasn’t much, but it was more that they were used to.</p>
<p>“Hyung, you sleep?” asked Felix, sitting down next to him on the grass. Hyunjin shot him a look before sinking his teeth into bland potato, letting it sear the roof of his mouth.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Hyunjin mumbled, mouth full. “How was your Chris?” Felix ducked his head, hiding the flush of his cheeks.</p>
<p>“He’s…similar. That I remember,” Felix pieced together. “But…I was scared. Yesterday. At first.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Hyunjin patted his shoulder. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Everything felt fine, last night?” Felix nodded. “Ok. If that changes, tell hyung, ok? I’ll handle of him.” Felix huffed a laugh, nodding before finally taking a bite of his own.</p>
<p>“I want him to be good,” Felix said softly after he swallowed. “I want…here to be good.”</p>
<p>“I know you do,” Hyunjin said again, hand squeezing gently. “But I don’t trust them, Lix. I can’t, not yet.” Felix only responded with a sad look.</p>
<p>After breakfast, Chan led them out behind the barn, frost still crunching in the grass as they walked, left over from the cold night. The air was still wet and heavy, the clouds thick, but Hyunjin had hope the sun would break through soon enough.</p>
<p>Minho appearing with a bag of old cans to set up on a stretch of wooden fence, falling apart with rot. He set three up, before turning to lean against the barn wall with a smug air.</p>
<p>“Alright,” Chan began. “Here we hunt and grow most of what we eat. Our stores are limited, so we use them sparingly.”</p>
<p>“But we hunted our whole way here,” Jeongin cut in. “We came up empty for days, that’s why we came here to find something.”</p>
<p><em>“Steal </em>something, you mean,” Minho mumbled.</p>
<p>“You were hunting the north woods!” The shorter guy—Jisung, if Hyunjin remembered right—appeared lugging duffle bag on his back. He threw it down, standing up straight with a smile. “We rotate the hunting grounds every season. We’re hunting the south woods right now!”</p>
<p>“Jisung’s right,” Chan concurred. “So, what are your strengths?”</p>
<p>“Jeongin’s the better sharpshooter,” Hyunjin cut in, calm, arms crossed. “Felix is better with traps.”</p>
<p>“And what about you?”  </p>
<p>Hyunjin smirked. “Who do you think taught them?”</p>
<p>Minho let out a <em>tch, </em>rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“What about agriculture?” Chan asked, ignoring his second.</p>
<p>“We’re scavengers, not farmers,” Hyunjin wrinkled his nose. Chan only smiled.</p>
<p>“Another day, then. Jisung-ah, take Felix to Seungmin to work on traps, then call Changbin. We’ll get these two trained up.” Felix left with the other, shooting Jeongin and Hyunjin one last harrowing look before disappearing around the barn.</p>
<p>“’Trained up’?” Hyunjin parroted. “We know how to fucking shoot.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you do,” Chan said, honestly. “But we don’t hunt with guns.”</p>
<p>Changbin showed a few minutes later, stone-faced and eyes cutting. He took the duffle bag Jisung had brought and dumped it out, the sound of wood clanking together as it all hit the ground.</p>
<p>“You’re joking.”</p>
<p>Chan scooped up a bow and a handful of arrows, handing them out for Hyunjin and Jeongin to inspect</p>
<p>“We’re not.”</p>
<p>They seemed well made, not that Hyunjin had any frame of reference for bows and arrows, but the wood was smooth and the arrows were carved nice and straight. Hyunjin took the bow, feeling the weight in his palms before turning to Chan and Changbin with a tight look.</p>
<p>“Just call me Katniss Everdeen, I guess,” he quipped.</p>
<p>“Laugh all you want, but they work,” Chan shot back. “Bullets are a finite resource, so we try and save them for walkers or…more human threats. Arrows are both reusable and easy to make and replace.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin wouldn’t admit it out loud, but yes, it was a good idea. It made things ten times harder, of course, but it would be sustainable for years if it were a skill mastered. Hyunjin himself was running low on ammunition—it was heavy to carry and hard to find—and he had no clue what this group’s stock looked like.</p>
<p>“Come on, ponytail,” Minho jabbed, kicking his heel against the wall. “Show us what you’ve got.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt every hair on the back of his neck stand up, his lip almost pulling into a snarl. He cut his eyes up at Minho, eyes meeting, but neither backing down. Finally, Hyunjin broke away to march over to Jeongin, standing a good distance in front of the can targets.</p>
<p>“Hyung, do you know how to shoot with that?” Jeongin whispered and motioned to the bow in Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin snatched the arrow Jeongin had taken, nocking it onto the string.</p>
<p>“In theory,” Hyunjin whispered back, squaring his feet and raising the bow. He felt his shoulder pop and the muscles strain as he pulled the sting back to his jaw, shaky as he let out a heavy breath.</p>
<p>No, this didn’t quite feel right. There was too much tension and his aim was all over the place. He could see the very tip of the arrowhead bouncing around, the can never quite in its path. Hyunjin squinted, then blinked hard before lowering the bow. Whipping around, he marched back to Chan and thrust to bow into his hands.</p>
<p>“Show me,” Hyunjin demanded. Chan paused, then took the bow and nodded.</p>
<p>He took his place in front of the cans, body turned and feet apart, raising the bow high before pulling the string as it lowered. Chan took a deep breath, holding it for a second, before releasing the arrow and watching it fly. It struck the center can easily.</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed, processing everything he saw before nodding and holding his hands back out for the bow. Chan relented it, Changbin walking up to hand him another arrow.</p>
<p>Hyunjin took his place, this time turned to the side, and nocked the arrow. He took a deep breath, watching the fog dance as he let it out again.  He did his best to copy what Chan had done. He raised the bow high and lowered it, pulling the string back to his jaw and closing one eye. He held his breath, keeping his aim steady, and released the string.</p>
<p>The arrow flew quick and straight, grazing the can along the side just enough to knock it from the fence. Hyunjin let his breath out in one huff, letting the bow fall and his shoulders relax. He heard a whistle sound off behind him.</p>
<p>“Not bad, Hyunjin-ah!” called Chan. Hyunjin’s hackles raised at the familiarity, but he let it slide and took his victory. He made sure to send a bright smile Minho’s way, who in turn found something in the grass to scowl at.</p>
<p>“You’ll be a fast learner,” Changbin commented with the ghost of a smile before taking his leave.  </p>
<p>Hyunjin would be lying if he said he didn’t watch him go.</p>
<p>Chan stepped up, giving Hyunjin pointers before handing the bow off to Jeongin. The rest of the day went as such, tearing Hyunjin’s fingers to blisters from the constant dig of the bow string. Every so often, Minho would inject some snarky remarks and Hyunjin would counter.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Congratulations, you killed some grass.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“I’m sorry, how long did it take </em>you <em>to learn to shoot?”</em></p>
<p>Every now and then, Hyunjin would peek around the barn to where the fields began, seeing Felix and Seungmin laughing and weaving wires into snares. Jisung laid next to them, sprawled onto the grass, hands behind his head.</p>
<p>Hyunjin turned again to look at Jeongin, just as Chan rubbed his head fondly. Jeongin gave a bright smile in return.</p>
<p>Something deep in his chest ached. Hyunjin hated out familiar it felt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not going to be getting my alone time from now on, am I.”</p>
<p>Changbin sat himself next to Hyunjin on the roof, a half smirk barely showing in the moonlight. Hyunjin huffed, kicking his feet.</p>
<p>“Your own fault, for showing me this place,” Hyunjin fired back. Changbin settled next to him, taking a sip of water from his beat-up tin bottle. He offered some to Hyunjin, who reached for his wrist instead. Changbin jerked back.</p>
<p>“Ya,” he said, brows furrowed, but Hyunjin held out his hand again.</p>
<p>“Let me see,” he demanded, pouting. Changbin rolled his eyes before relenting, holding out his arm for Hyunjin to do what he would.</p>
<p>Hyunjin took it, immediately pulling up the worn jacket sleeve up to the elbow.</p>
<p>“Knew I saw something earlier.”</p>
<p>Changbin’s arms were covered in inky black, lines twisting into surreal shapes and images. He could make out some animals, one that looked like a stretch of honeycomb pattern, and so on. Hyunjin stared, eyes tracing each line, almost reaching out his other hand to touch.</p>
<p>“How’d you do all these tattoos?” Hyunjin asked.</p>
<p>“How do you know I didn’t have them before?” Changbin shot back, rolling his arm so Hyunjin could see more.</p>
<p>“Please, you’re like twelve. Plus, at least two of these are fresh.”</p>
<p>“Actually, from what I’ve heard, I’m a year older than you.” Changbin smirked. “You can call me hyung, if you want.” Hyunjin gave him the fakest possible smile.</p>
<p>“That’s likely.”</p>
<p>The tattoos were a bit rough, sure, but they were clear and bold and Hyunjin honestly felt a bit jealous. In some spots, he could see the individual dots used to create the picture, and others, the lines were completely solid. There was texture, like the veins of a leaf on his hand, which differed from the fur of a rabbit resting on the ditch of his elbow.</p>
<p>“What do you use?” Hyunjin asked.</p>
<p>“Ash,” Changbin mumbled, sounding just as absorbed by the designs as the other. “And whatever I can find as the liquid.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you can find,” Hyunjin repeated, unbelieving. “That sounds safe. And the needle?”</p>
<p>“A nail I filed down.”</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you haven’t died of an infection,” Hyunjin shook his head.</p>
<p>“Hey, I make sure everything is sterile! None of my tattoos have ever gotten infected.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin hummed. He wasn’t sure if he believed that.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you could draw,” Hyunjin mumbled, even though he would have no reason to. He’s known Changbin for all of forty-eight hours.</p>
<p>“The others usually draw,” Changbin clarified. “If they like it, I’ll trace it with the needle and ink.”</p>
<p>There was a long pause.</p>
<p>“Would you tattoo me someday?” Hyunjin said, mouth moving before his mind.</p>
<p>“Sure. Why not?” Changbin said it easily, as if he didn’t realize the implication that there would be a ‘someday.’ “Now, tell me what you really want to talk about.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin sighed, finally dropping Changbin’s arm.</p>
<p>“Don’t you already know?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I do,” Changbin stretched his arms up and behind his head. “We get each other, remember? But you say it this time.”</p>
<p>“…Jeongin and Felix,” Hyunjin muttered. “They don’t need me anymore.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true.”</p>
<p>“They have the others now. They’re…not like me. They’re trusting, they make friends.”</p>
<p>“They’ll always need you,” Changbin cut him off. “Remember last night? Like loosing a limb. They’d feel that, too, don’t you think? Now, they may not need you to feed them and keep them alive every night—you have help with that now. Besides…”</p>
<p>Changbin glanced sideways at him, pausing a breath before grabbing a branch from the roof and swinging it straight at Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin acted on instinct, shielding his head with one arm and reaching for Changbin’s throat with the other. Hyunjin made contact, gripping Changbin tight, but the branch stopped before mere inches from Hyunjin’s head.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for a moment, both with wide eyes, dead with emotion, waiting to see if the other would make a move. Changbin drew back first, Hyunjin letting go of his neck and doing the same.</p>
<p>“See? We get each other, we have this repour,” Changbin turned back to the sky, tossing the stick like nothing ever happened, “…but you still don’t trust me.” The words sat heavy in Hyunjin’s chest. “That’s good. Because without that, without you, those two wouldn’t survive.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin deflated a bit, hands gripping hard at the edges of the wood. His jaw was so tight he heard a crack.</p>
<p>“They need me…but they may not want me…anymore,” Hyunjin admitted. “You and I don’t trust…but the others are like them. What if they want someone…not as hard, not as unpleasant? It’s different, seeing Jeongin and Felix with them. They laugh more. They’re…happy.”</p>
<p>Changbin let his head fall toward Hyunjin, giving him an unimpressed look. He didn’t speak for a moment.</p>
<p>“Trust me,” Changbin looked away, “no on here is really happy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apologies for not responding to comments on the last chapter. Work is getting intense with the holdiays. </p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you thought, and I promise to respond this time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Blood is shed, as well as tears.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Weeks had past and Hyunjin was felt like he was moving at a glacial pace.</p>
<p>He dug the tip of his blade into the soft, damp wood, ignoring the morning chill still clinging to his bones. His eyes continued sweeping the tree line, like they had for hours and hours. The only sounds were the occasional bird and the thud of his knife against wood.</p>
<p>The days still felt incredibly long, leaving Hyunjin with a throbbing head and an itch in his gums. He continued to brush off the others, keeping his distance as he watched Jeongin and Felix drift further and further away.</p>
<p>Sure, he and the others had reached understandings of sorts. Minho continued to openly despise him while Chan treated him like an equal—more like a colleague than a friend, though. Jisung was a kid and acted like one more than anything. He was loud, but harmless enough.</p>
<p>Seungmin would often smile at Hyunjin, but never try and talk to him. He was another one that put Hyunjin on edge; his gaze was sharp and his mind sharper, and he gave Hyunjin the feeling that he could see right though him. It made him want to curl up and hide what secrets he could.</p>
<p>Then there was Changbin. They continued to meet and talk, sometimes about menial things, and others about their traumas. It was an odd relationship, one founded on understanding but still felt like walking along the edge of a knife. Perhaps their pasts had made timebombs of both of them, just waiting for the spark of mistrust to blow them away.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was struggling, as much as he hated to admit it. He didn’t see this place as home, but Jeongin and Felix were quickly leaving him behind. Maybe it was for the best, but Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he was selfless enough to let them go.</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>Movement.</p>
<p>There, at the tree line.</p>
<p>Hyunjin dropped down from the barn window, sheathing his knife and reaching for his rifle. Right as his hand found cold metal, a walker stumbled its way out of the forest.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Hyunjin cursed, swinging his gun from his back to face front. He’d barely lined up his shot when several more walkers appeared behind it. “Shit!”</p>
<p>He fired, his bullet finding the first walker right between its eyes. He cocked the gun and fired again, before he heard Jisung call.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ssi?!”</p>
<p>“Get the others!” Hyunjin yelled back, not breaking stride. “It’s a hoard!”</p>
<p>The words had barely let Hyunjin’s mouth before there were easily another twenty undead, all moving faster as they homed in on their prey.</p>
<p>Hyunjin continued to mow them down, backing up as he shot until he’d almost cleared the barn. He was running low on ammunition and the hoard was only growing. Just as he fired his last round, ripping off his rifle and flinging it to the ground, Chan and Jisung appeared next to him, armed to the teeth.</p>
<p>Hyunjin drew his blade and got to work, ignoring the spray of black, decayed blood on face. He tore down another, and another, breaking stride when a walker approaching from behind had his head blown apart. Glancing up, he spotted Seungmin from the top window of the farmhouse, sniping walkers from afar like a guardian watching over them from above.</p>
<p>Hyunjin got back to work.</p>
<p>His limbs burned and he reeked of corpses, but he pushed on as he stabbed his blade through the neck of another. The hoard was thinning, Hyunjin could tell even through his tunneled vision. Chan danced through his peripheral, gun long discarded and machete drawn.</p>
<p>They were almost done.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Minho-hyung!” </em>
</p>
<p>Hyunjin turned, spotting Minho with a walker’s teeth inches from his shoulder. He only had time to think, <em>when did he get here? </em>before everything happened at once.</p>
<p>Jisung was suddenly there, shoving Minho away with one hand and blocking the walker’s jaws with the other. Jisung screamed as the walker bit down, blood bursting onto its rotten tongue.</p>
<p>“Jisung! No!” Minho cried, eyes wide. He spun, gunning down the walker as Jisung ripped his hand free.</p>
<p>“Chan-hyung!” Jisung screamed, wasting no time, dropping onto his back and sticking out his right arm. Chan was right on him, raising his machete mid-stride and bringing it down on Jisung’s elbow, cutting through the joint and severing the infected hand and arm clean off.</p>
<p>Jisung’s shriek was gut-wrenching, thrashing in pain as Chan jumped to straddle his shoulder and hold the remainder of his arm in place.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin! I need hands!” Chan yelled, and Hyunjin was there in a second, pinning Jisung’s left side down, his knife raised to the boy’s throat in case he turned walker.</p>
<p>“Jisung!” Minho cried again, but Seungmin ran up to him, taking his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Let them, hyung,” he said, having descended from the house when he saw Jisung get bitten. “Help me with the rest.” Hyunjin caught a glimpse of despair and rage in Minho’s eyes as he turned and did what he was told.</p>
<p>Chan was tearing strips from his shirt, tying them tight around Jisung’s stump, while Hyunjin kept an eye on Jisung’s face. He’d stopped screaming, breathing ragged and eyes glazed over in pain. Tears and spit were leaking down his face, which had turned a ghostly pale.</p>
<p>Just hours ago, those same eyes had been bright and happy, that face had been flushed with a smile.</p>
<p>“Changbin!” Chan called. Changbin was there, too? The aforementioned ran up to them. “Lighter.” Changbin dug through a pocket before tossing one to Chan. “Hold him, Hyunjin. This is gonna suck.”</p>
<p>Jisung began to scream again as the open flame was raised to his flesh, burning and cauterizing the wound closed. The stench of burning blood and muscle filled the air, and Hyunjin wanted to be sick.</p>
<p>It was a slow process, and Jisung again hit a point where he seemed to disassociate from reality, eyes blank with shock, sweat pouring from him. Finally, Chan finished, sighing heavily as his shoulders fell. The stump of his arm was charred and mutilated, but the bleeding had stopped.</p>
<p>“Any sign of turning?” Chan asked, and Hyunjin shook his head just as the others ran to join them, including Felix and Jeongin, all covered in walker blood. The hoard must’ve been finished off.</p>
<p>“Jisung!” Minho fell to his knees next to him. “Jisungie? Ya, look at me! Han Jisung!”</p>
<p>Jisung blinked and did as he was told, red and hazy eyes finding Minho. The older looked panicked, tears forming.</p>
<p>“You idiot,” Minho wept. “You fucking idiot. You…why the fuck, Jisung-ah…”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Jisung mumbled weakly, but managed to not sound sorry at all. Minho let his head fall, gently resting it against Jisung’s stomach.</p>
<p>“Chan-hyung,” Seungmin said before holding up Jisung’s severed hand and arm. The virus had rotted through the skin of the hand up to the wrist, but no further. “I think we’re safe. He would’ve turned by now.” Seungmin’s smile was sad. “You were quick enough.”</p>
<p>A heavy sense of relief fell over the group. A tension Hyunjin hadn’t known he was carrying drained away as he finally removed his blade from Jisung’s throat, standing on shaky legs and moving for Minho to take his place.</p>
<p>“Let’s move him inside, then,” Chan said, sounding a hundred years older than before. “He’s in shock. Careful with…what’s left of his arm.” Jisung barely grunted as Chan, Minho, Seungmin, and Changbin all lifted Jisung, Felix helping guide them into the house. Jeongin followed, gathering up discarded weapons and carrying them along.</p>
<p>Hyunjin soon shuffled after them, feeling bone tired. What was easily a thirty-minute ordeal had felt like thirty seconds, and he could feel his mind spinning.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Hyunjin clenched his teeth and quickened his pace, entering the house behind the others.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the morning was slow.</p>
<p>Chan and Minho tended to Jisung, primarily, though most of the healing was now in Jisung’s hands. He would be bedridden, for how long no one knew, but he was alive and that was enough for now. Their biggest goal at the moment was making sure no infections or fevers got in the way of that.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was going out to the well to change a pot of water, boots creaking against the old floors, when he spotted Chan and Felix at the end of the hallway.</p>
<p>They were hugging tight, which alone wouldn’t have been anything to take note of, but there was something about the way Felix wrapped his arms around Chan, or the way Chan buried his nose into Felix’s hair that was so…intimate.</p>
<p>Hyunjin quickly looked away and finished his walk to the well, heart heavy in his gut.</p>
<p>He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t already suspected something between the two, but seeing it was a different story. It was like seeing his little brother slip through his fingers into someone else’s waiting arms. It was only a matter of time before Jeongin joined him, Hyunjin could tell.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s head shot up to find Seungmin standing in front of him with a gentle expression. Hyunjin blinked and realized he was sitting on the couch, hunched over while his mind spiraled. With all that had happened, he didn’t even remember how he got there.</p>
<p>“Everything ok?” Seungmin asked.</p>
<p>“Of course not,” Hyunjin blurted before sealing his lips shut. He still wasn’t sure what he could trust Seungmin with, but the other just smiled and sat down on the couch next to him.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he agreed. He took a long pause. “You know, whether you trust me or not, I’m a great listener.” Of course, Seungmin could see right through him. Hyunjin was pretty sure he was the smartest one there.</p>
<p>“I feel bad for the kid.” It might not have been what he’d been thinking about just then, but it was true none the less.</p>
<p>“For Jisung?” Seungmin asked, and Hyunjin nodded.</p>
<p>“It seems I…underestimated him. I feel bad.” Hyunjin remembered clearly how Jisung didn’t hesitate, dropping to the ground, ready to lose his arm or more to protect everyone.</p>
<p>“I get that,” Seungmin said, looking forward. “You have to remember, Jisung’s survived in this world just like the rest of us. He may act carefree, or even oblivious, but…”</p>
<p>“I just thought of him as…sheltered, I guess.”</p>
<p>“None of us have been here since the beginning,” Seungmin told him, turning to face him with heavy eyes. “All of us had to survive out there…at one point or another.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin hummed.</p>
<p>“I know you still don’t trust us,” Seungmin suddenly said. “And I understand. Changbin-hyung was like you for a long time, always sleeping with a knife under his pillow, always ready to run if he needed. But I hope we can earn your trust, just like we did his. Slowly, bit by bit,” Seungmin stood. “But, it is a two-way street, Hyunjin-ssi. We’ll continue to extend olive branches, all of us…but at some point, it’s up to you to take them.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin watched him walk away with furrowed brows. Olive branches. Hyunjin could see it, now that Seungmin mentioned it; Jisung offering him extra rice, Seungmin mentioning a book he’d found in the attic, Chan offering him his knife, all the way back at the beginning.</p>
<p>Hyunjin ran a hand through his ponytail. A two-way street, Seungmin had said. If he wants to be able to trust them, he’ll need to try to let them in more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, he offered to help Chan cook. Well, he chopped. Hyunjin wasn’t what he’d call a chef, or even a decent cook, but it was the thought that counted.</p>
<p>Chan seemed to acknowledge this, but didn’t mention it as they worked in silence. Hyunjin’s eyes kept glancing over to the elder, he wouldn’t lie, but every time Chan looked at him with that dimpled smile, he had to admit, he felt less and less on edge.</p>
<p>He still ate at the edge of the room, close to an exit, but hey, baby steps.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was clearing his plate to the bucket, which would later be lugged to the well for washing, when Jeongin caught him by the wrist, a hard look in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Ya,” Hyunjin mumbled as he was pulled up to the second story bedroom, softly lit by a few candles on the on the old desk. Jeongin closed the door and turned to him, eyes glassy.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” he said, voice shaking. “I’m sorry, but…I need you back!”</p>
<p>“…eh?” Hyunjin managed, confused Jeongin’s head dropped.</p>
<p>“Felix and I…we’ve been trying to give you space…Felix said—said you’d need it but—but I can’t anymore. I need you, hyung! I miss you, I don’t wanna avoid you anymore!” Jeongin broke, tears falling, trailing down sharp cheeks as his lips quivered.</p>
<p>“You’ve…been giving me space,” Hyunjin repeated.</p>
<p>“Ye—yeah, Felix said, since you’re not used to—to pe—people, you’d need some space to adjust, and I tried, hyung! I’m sorry, I tried to.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin immediately swept Jeongin into his arms, squeezing him tight and burying his face in his hair. He breathed deep, holding a bit tighter as Jeongin trembled.</p>
<p>“Don’t…do that again, ok?” Hyunjin croaked. “No more giving me space. Don’t need it.”</p>
<p>“Hyung?”</p>
<p>“I thought…you and Felix, I thought…” Hyunjin sighed. “Never mind.”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Jeongin pulled from Hyunjin’s grip. “What did you think we were doing?” Hyunjin looked away. “Did…did you think we—we were leaving you?” The silence was answer enough.</p>
<p>“Hyung!” Jeongin cried, sounding almost scandalized. “We’d never! I—we—we’d never leave you! You're our brother! We’d die first!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin cut him off. “I should’ve known better. That you wouldn’t. Just, no more avoiding, ok?” Jeongin opened his mouth, wanting to say more, but eventually shut it and nodded. “Now, come here.” Hyunjin swept him back into a hug. “No more tears, ok? Go back to being a brat.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a brat, hyung’s just an idiot.”</p>
<p>“Watch it, kid, this idiot can kick your ass.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's your gore tag. Hope you enjoyed. </p>
<p>Please leave a comment letting me know what you thought, since I'm in constant need of validation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Break down the walls, and let go.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As if enough hadn’t happened that day, the moment Hyunjin and Jeongin stepped back into the house, Changbin was there waiting.</p>
<p>He didn’t say anything, but Hyunjin read his message loud and clear, turning and telling Jeongin he’d find him and Felix later. Once Jeongin had walked away, Changbin motioned for Hyunjin to follow him outside.</p>
<p>“Ya, Changbin-ah,” Hyunjin called when the other kept walking past the barn. “Where are you taking me?”</p>
<p>“The creek,” Changbin mumbled, barely audible as he didn’t bother turning to face him. “Could use a bath. Smell like walker shit.” Hyunjin couldn’t tell who he meant, but he rolled his eyes and followed none the less.</p>
<p>They continued to walk, Hyunjin complaining loudly every now and again, before finally reaching the trickle of the creek, lit dimly by the moon over their heads. It was small, only three or four feet deep in places, lined with mud and rocks. Changbin immediately began to strip.</p>
<p>“You’re joking, right?” Hyunjin crossed his arms. “That water is freezing, you’re going to get yourself sick.”</p>
<p>“It runs warm,” Changbin countered, pulling his shirt up and over his head, treating Hyunjin to the site of pale skin and firm muscle. Hyunjin bit down on his tongue.</p>
<p>“Not warm enough.”</p>
<p>“You’ll be fine. Get in.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin, though unconvinced, began to remove his own clothes. His skin raced with goosebumps as it met the cold night air as he rid himself of his shirt, just as Changbin kicked his pants off. Hyunjin tried very hard to keep his eyes on Changbin’s ink-covered legs instead of his bright, white ass.</p>
<p>He managed to clear his throat, breaking his awkwardness to make a quip.</p>
<p>“What, no tramp stamp? Maybe a little heart on your ass?”</p>
<p>Changbin didn’t respond; he walked into the water, a shiver shaking his body as the clear water sloshed around him. Hyunjin scowled, but finished undressing and followed him in.</p>
<p>The first touch of the stream knocked the air out of Hyunjin. The water was biting cold, racing straight from his brain down to his toes. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around himself, eyes wide.</p>
<p>“Fuck, that’s cold!” he bit out through clenched teeth.</p>
<p>“You’ll get used to it,” Changbin finally turned to look at him, smirking, eyes raking over Hyunjin’s naked form. Hyunjin huffed a laugh.</p>
<p>“Oh, please. You’re sha—shaking as much as I am—am,” Hyunjin trembled out. It was true; Changbin’s teeth had begun to chatter loudly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but…how often do we get to take a bath?”</p>
<p>“That—that’s true. Splashing well water on yourself just isn’t the same.” Hyunjin rubbed his arms, sinking a litter further into the water to wash his torso. “And before I came here, I have no idea the last time I’d bathed!”</p>
<p>“Ew,” Changbin wrinkled his nose, cupping water to brush through his hair.</p>
<p>“Priorities,” Hyunjin shrugged. He waded back and found a rock, leaning back against it as he sat in the water. The water sat at his chest, gently splashing against his skin as the ripples Changbin created reached him.</p>
<p>“So,” Hyunjin said, scrubbing the nooks and crannies of his fingers. “You going to tell be what’s bothering you?” Changbin stopped washing, standing waist-deep in the moonlight.</p>
<p>“Don’t you already know?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I do,” Hyunjin smirked. For the first time, the shoe was on the other foot. “Do you want me to say it?” After a moment, Changbin nodded.</p>
<p>Hyunjin motioned for Changbin to join him, and though it took him a second, he eventually waded over and sat beside him. Hyunjin found himself tracing the same tattoos with his eyes before looking up to meet Changbin’s.</p>
<p>“You saw me talking with Seungmin, didn’t you.”</p>
<p>Changbin’s gaze fell and he let out a heavy sigh.</p>
<p>“I…know it’s silly. And dumb.”</p>
<p>It went unsaid. Changbin was jealous.</p>
<p>“It’s not.” Hyunjin ducked his head, trying to meet his eyes again. “I get you, remember? I understand.”</p>
<p>And he did. Neither of them had ever had someone who understood, and the thought of losing that once you have it is scary, to say the least. That’s what he was afraid of, losing Hyunjin to the others.</p>
<p>“Still,” Changbin murmured, still staring down at his own chest.</p>
<p>They sat for a long moment, the cold no more than an afterthought at that point. Hyunjin looked up, his long hair tickling his shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m going to keep trying, to talk to the others,” Hyunjin told him, still looking at the moon. “I’m…trying to open up.”</p>
<p>“It’s hard, I know,” Changbin commented.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Hyunjin trailed off. “But, this, us, this isn’t going to stop. Regardless. You know that, right?”</p>
<p>Changbin didn’t answer.</p>
<p>“Can you promise me something?” Changbin asked instead. Hyunjin hummed, meeting his gaze. His dark eyes were shining, warmly or coldly, Hyunjin couldn’t tell. “Promise you won’t leave me?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin’s breath caught in his throat, and it seemed everything—the crickets, the creek, the breeze—went silent and still for a moment. Changbin’s eyes seared into him, like smoldering coals or maybe stars trying not to burn out. Hyunjin pursed his lips.</p>
<p>“I can’t promise that, you know that,” he whispered, biting back tears that burned behind his eyes. “But I can promise…that I’ll do everything I can to stay with you.”</p>
<p>And like that, the world was unfrozen and the tension left Changbin’s shoulders. He nodded, accepting Hyunjin’s answer. He hesitated, then slowly lowered his head to rest on Hyunjin’s shoulder. The warmth of him was a stark contrast to the cold surface of the rock or the icy water.</p>
<p>Hyunjin leaned his head against Changbin’s, enjoying the contact while it lasted, and tried to ignore the way his chest tightened as he did.</p>
<p>“Changbin?”</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“Do you think you could give me that tattoo?”</p>
<p>Changbin chuckled, “I thought you were worried your skin would fall off.” He paused. “You’re sure? You know what you want?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I do.”</p>
<p>They fell into comfortable silence.</p>
<p>The moment was only broken, a while later, when Changbin grabbed the other and pulled them both completely under the water, dunking them in the cold. They both came up sputtering, Changbin laughing and Hyunjin furiously splashing it retaliation.</p>
<p>Once finished, they did their best to dry before redressing and rushing back to the house to escape the cold.</p>
<p>They slept by the fireplace that night, tucked in close, stealing and sharing each other’s body heat. Neither slept easy, as per usual, but they did sleep a tad easier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>....</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room was dimly lit with half-burnt candles, flickering and casting shadows as Hyunjin moved back and forth from the bed to the pot of water on the floor. He wet the rag again, ringing out the excess before returning to Jisung’s side in an almost mindless pattern.</p>
<p>It had been days since the hoard appeared, and Jisung was doing well. He hadn’t woken while in Hyunjin’s care, but he’d sometimes heard a weak voice floating from the room when Minho or Chan were there.</p>
<p>The boy looked pale, lips dry and flaking, deep circles forming around his eyes, but otherwise seemed physically alright. His arm was healing best it could, and no infection had caught.</p>
<p>Hyunjin gave another swipe of the rag down Jisung’s arm and across his neck.</p>
<p>While he cleaned him, Hyunjin tried not to imagine Felix or Jeongin lying in his place.</p>
<p>A soft groan broke Hyunjin’s thoughts and he watched as Jisung’s tired eyes cracked open. He looked a far cry from the bright, loud kid Hyunjin had come to know.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ssi,” Jisung croaked a whisper when he saw who was there. Hyunjin didn’t respond.</p>
<p>“How’s my arm?” Jisung asked. “Has it grown back yet?” Hyunjin’s heart leapt to his throat, petrified for a moment before he noticed the dim—but there—spark of humor in Jisung’s eyes.</p>
<p>Hyunjin smiled, shook his head, and stood to grab a cup and fill it with fresh water from the kettle. He returned to Jisung’s side.</p>
<p>“Drink,” he tilted the cup’s rim lightly against the boy’s lips, allowing him small sips. “If you’re cracking jokes, you much be feeling better than we thought.” Jisung crinkled his nose before swallowing.</p>
<p>“Water’s warm.”</p>
<p>“Better for your stomach.” Hyunjin insisted, and Jisung pouted. “You’re healing well,” Hyunjin ignored him. “No fever, right?”</p>
<p>“No, I feel fine,” Jisung grumbled. “Just tired.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Hyunjin said firmly. “You got lucky.”</p>
<p>“Hardly,” Jisung said. He held up his left hand, as if examining it in the warm light. “...it was my right hand...I’m basically useless now. The others...spending all this time keeping me alive...and for what.”</p>
<p>The tone in Jisung’s voice changed so suddenly, it caught Hyunjin off guard. His voice was still light, as if his words were casual, but the context weighed them down. Within a moment, Jisung seemed to age several years, looking at his remaining hand with haunted eyes. His round cheeks seemed sunken, his cute face shrouded by shadow.</p>
<p>“What do I do now?” Jisung whispered, and Hyunjin knew he wasn’t asking him. For a long while, Hyunjin had nothing to say. Then, he cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“You’ll just be working the rice paddies more often,” he said, before standing and walking back to the pot, placing down the rag with more care than necessary.</p>
<p>“You know,” Hyunjin continued, “you can feel bad for yourself all you want. I mean, fuck, you just lost an arm, I’d be pretty down myself. But don’t feel bad for them. You surviving...it’s everything to them.” Hyunjin walked back to Jisung’s side, but kept his eyes away. “I don’t think I have to tell you...losing you would’ve crushed them.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin risked a glance over at the boy, only to be met with dark eyes shining with tears in the flickering light. He quickly looked away again.</p>
<p>“...thanks. I, um, I need that,” Jisung sniffled. Hyunjin nodded mutely. “Hey, Hyunjin-ssi?”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Hyunjin said before he could think it through.  “Uh, I mean, um, you’re—you’re Felix’s age, right? You can call me hyung, if you want.” Hyunjin didn’t have to look to know Jisung was giving him that thousand-kilowatt smile.</p>
<p>“Ok, Hyunjin-hyung,” Jisung repeated, sounding much lighter. “Tell me...what did you wanna be before this?” Hyunjin inhaled sharply.</p>
<p>It was a heavy question. He thought for a moment, almost having to remind himself of the answer, as it seemed more than a lifetime ago.</p>
<p>“Well,” he began. “I was a dancer, or I wanted to be, and I thought majoring in English would help. Maybe being bilingual, I thought could become an idol. And if I ever got into a company, I could learn to sing or rap. But I only ever really wanted to dance.”</p>
<p>Jisung was silent for a moment.</p>
<p>“You know,” he said thoughtfully. “Minho-hyung was a dancer, too...before.” Hyunjin turned to meet his eye, and was taken aback to see how sad he looked. “I wonder, if things were different...if you two could’ve been friends.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked up at the ceiling slowly.</p>
<p>“...maybe,” he eventually whispered. “If things were different.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>....</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His heart felt simultaneously light and heavy when he left, Chan coming in to take over Jisung’s care for the night. He was glad he and Jisung had talked, formed the beginnings of a bond, but it made his chest hurt all the more seeing the boy lying in that bed with an arm missing.</p>
<p>He let out a deep sigh, mindlessly scratching at the back of his neck, when he turned the corner into the kitchen. If he was lucky, there’d be some tea from dinner left he could stick over the fire to heat.</p>
<p>He did not expect to see Seungmin, pinned against the counter by Minho, locked in a heated kiss.</p>
<p>The two didn’t notice his entrance, otherwise occupied, and Hyunjin found himself rooted to the tile in shocked. Minho was moving with urgency, Seungmin following along with eager hands and lips. It looked heavy, hot, and like there was tongue involved.</p>
<p>Hyunjin almost choked at the thought.</p>
<p>When Minho’s hands reached Seungmin’s ass, however, he did choke, causing Seungmin’s eyes to open and find him in the doorway, jaw on the floor. Seungmin tapped Minho’s shoulder, getting him to detach his mouth and glance to see what had stopped their moment.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin,” Seungmin greeted casually, as if his spit-slick lips weren’t swollen and Minho’s hands weren’t itching to tear his clothes off. “Sorry, we got a bit carried away…”</p>
<p>“I—” Hyunjin’s voice broke off in a crack. “I thought—Jisung and him—they—um—” The situation was making it incredibly difficult to string together a sentence.</p>
<p>Seungmin’s eyes grew wide as he understood what Hyunjin was trying to say, quickly stepping out of Minho’s hands.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, no, it isn’t like that, I promise!”</p>
<p>Minho rolled his eyes, huffing a sigh as he turned to leave the kitchen, mumbling something about being too horny for this conversation. He shuffled out of the room while Hyunjin continued to gape.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin, I swear, it’s not like that at all.”</p>
<p>“So, Minho and Jisung…they’re not?”</p>
<p>Seungmin hesitated. “Well, they are, but…well, Jisung knows and sometimes…partakes…not right now, of course, but he—”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Hyunjin cut him off, rubbing his temples. “So, he and Minho…they have, what, an open relationship?”</p>
<p>“Well…not exactly,” Seungmin said, cautious about how to proceed. “See…it’s—it’s not just them.” Another pause. “All of us…at one point or another, we’ve all…”</p>
<p>“You’re all <em>fucking?!” </em></p>
<p>Hyunjin felt like his heart had stopped, his mind whirling as this was the last thing he expected to hear.</p>
<p>“Well, Chan-hyung, not anymore,” Seungmin was struggling not to make eye contact. “Not since Felix showed up, and Changbin-hyung less so—I have my suspicions he’s carrying a torch as well.” Seungmin took a deep breath before meeting Hyunjin’s bewildered face head on. “But, yes. We have all fucked before.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t respond, so Seungmin continued.</p>
<p>“We live in a world with no entertainment, no music or film, no drugs or alcohol…finding an escape is hard. Sex…it’s one of the few things we can have that truly lets us forget about shit going on out there.” Seungmin reached up, rubbing a spot on his chest. “Most of the others come to me. Minho-hyung and Jisungie are together, but see, I don’t do feelings; romantically, I mean. It just doesn’t really make sense to me. So, casual intimacy…it’s easy. It makes sense to me.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin still couldn’t find the words, but both of them could see the spark of interest in his eyes. So Seungmin plowed on with new confidence.</p>
<p>“You know,” he said, placing his hand lightly on Hyunjin’s shoulder. The latter stiffened. “I would offer the same to you. If you ever need something casual, as something therapeutic or, like I said, an escape…” Hyunjin’s eyes fell, “…you can always come to me.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin opened his mouth, then closed it again, eyes darting up, then down, then up again. Seungmin saw the battle waging in Hyunjin’s head and took pity. He smiled gently.</p>
<p>“Think about it,” Seungmin said, squeezing his shoulder and turning to walk away.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Hyunjin’s chest went tight. He didn’t want to think about it. For once, he didn’t want to consider all the ways this could go wrong. He wanted to not think, to forget. An escape.</p>
<p>He grabbed Seungmin’s wrist, not letting himself second guess, and pulled him back to be face to face.</p>
<p>“Casual…it won’t mean anything?”</p>
<p>“…not romantically,” Seungmin clarified. “I’m your friend, Hyunjin-ah. I’ll take care of you like a friend.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin had heard enough, and smashed their lips together without a pause. It hurt like hell, teeth crashing, but Seungmin cradled Hyunjin’s jaw with gentle hands and guided him in to a softer, deeper kiss. His lips were dry and warm, and his tongue moved gracefully against Hyunjin’s.</p>
<p>They moved to the side room quickly, lips never leaving, shedding clothes and letting their hands roam across scared but smooth skin. Seungmin laid him down with soft words and promises of pleasure, and Hyunjin let him, losing himself to the sensations racking his body.  </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Hyunjin let himself forget.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed, and I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season. </p>
<p>Getting into some plot now. Leave a comment, let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Troubles come, as they tend to.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how’re things with our fearless leader?”</p>
<p>Felix almost dropped his bag of seeds in surprise, nearly losing them to the rice paddy he and Hyunjin were currently knee-deep in. Felix blushed hard, his freckles standing out against the red. He turned and spread more seeds evenly through the water and soil to avoid answering.</p>
<p>“Lix-<em>aaaah,” </em>Hyunjin sang. “You’re not going to pretend, are you?”</p>
<p>“No, I—I’m not,” Felix rebutted, still flushed. “It’s…good.”</p>
<p>“Good?” Hyunjin spread more seeds, side-eyeing Felix.</p>
<p>Felix only hummed in response, and Hyunjin stood straight to give him a look. Felix pretended not to see it for a moment before he sighed.</p>
<p>“It just feels…it’s so…”</p>
<p>“New?” Hyunjin supplied. Felix shook his head.</p>
<p>“No, it feels…<em>fragile?” </em>he asked in English.</p>
<p>“Ah, fragile,” Hyunjin told him, and Felix repeated the word in a mumble. “How come?” Felix opened his mouth, but closed it again and let his gaze fall. Hyunjin furrowed his brow. “Here,” he took Felix’s bag from him and led him out of the paddy, “come sit.”</p>
<p>“Hyung, our butt’s’ll get muddy.”</p>
<p>“So what? Sit.”</p>
<p>Felix obeyed and they sat side by side, their bare feet still resting in the cold, muddy water. Hyunjin kicked a bit, Felix saying something about, “Don’t, you’ll kick up the seeds.” Hyunjin wasn’t sure if that was true.</p>
<p>“I’m happy when I’m with him,” Felix finally said. “And he says he’s happy, too.”</p>
<p>“He likes you a lot,” Hyunjin agreed. “That much is obvious.”</p>
<p>“But…do you remember what Minho-hyung said, the day we arrived?” Felix looked at Hyunjin. “About us not being the same as before?” Felix curled up, pulling his feet from the water and hugging his knees. He began to mix his Korean and English. “We liked each other before, when we were just <em>long-distance</em> friends. We never talked about it, but we both knew that when I came to Korea…<em>we’d be together, you know?</em></p>
<p>“I can’t help but wonder…if everything that we feel is just what we felt before. <em>What if we’re acting on feelings we had when we were two different people?” </em>Felix began to sniffle a bit, and Hyunjin pulled him close.</p>
<p>“Hey, you don’t know that,” he said, pressing his cheek to Felix’s hair. <em>“It’s complicated, ok? </em>This is something you and Chan have to talk about. If you two work together, it’ll be easier to sort out what you feel. It’s not something you have to do on your own. <em>You and Chris…you are together, this. Understand?”</em></p>
<p>“I know. He just tries so hard to make everything perfect,” Felix said, snuggling further into Hyunjin’s neck. “I don’t want him to think it’s not.”</p>
<p>“Then tell him that,” Hyunjin encouraged.</p>
<p>They sat for a moment, both knowing they should get back to work but neither wanting to end the moment. Felix shifted even closer.</p>
<p>“Hyung?” he almost whispered. “I’m sorry about before. I thought you wouldn’t want Jeongin and I all over you, being in a new place and all, but I was wrong. I should’ve talked to you.”</p>
<p>“You should’ve, but it’s ok. We’re past that,” Hyunjin told him firmly. “Actually, I have something I wanted to show you.” Felix raised his head, looking at the older with big, misty eyes. Hyunjin pulled back to reach down and roll up his left sleeve, doing his best to be careful. Felix’s eyes went wide when he saw the dark ink.</p>
<p>“Hyung, is that a tattoo?!”</p>
<p>“Changbin did it for me.”</p>
<p>“And it won’t get—<em>get infected?”</em></p>
<p>“No, he’s helping me keep it clean.”</p>
<p>Felix’s fingers ghosted over the ink, tracing where the lines had begun to scab over and heal without actually touching them.</p>
<p><em>“A fox with three tails.” </em>Felix looked at Hyunjin. “Why?”</p>
<p><em>“Because we are three. You and me and Jeongin,” </em>Hyunjin said, staring down at the tattoo. “No matter what, the three of us will always be together. We’ll always be brothers.” Hyunjin looked to see Felix’s eyes filled to the brim with tears, which he tried to look up and blink away with little success.</p>
<p>The younger didn’t seem to have words. After a long while, Felix gave Hyunjin a huge, watery smile and nod. That was enough for both of them.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ah!” Chan’s voice floated across the fields from the house, both turning to see him jogging up to them. “I hate to ruin the moment, but I need you.”</p>
<p>“What for?” Hyunjin asked standing to step out of the rice paddy and grab his boots.</p>
<p>“We’re going north, see if we can track whatever drove those walkers our way.” Chan turned to Felix. <em>“Sorry, Felix, but I’m leaving you in good company!” </em>He motioned to the house where Seungmin was helping Jisung walk toward the fields. This was the first time Jisung had been outside since his injury, over three weeks ago now. He seemed slow and shaky on his legs, but his eyes and smile were bright.</p>
<p>“He still on about replacing his arm with a machine gun?” Hyunjin asked Chan discreetly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he says he saw it in a movie once.”</p>
<p>“Hyung, I’m serious!” Jisung’s voice reached them even from their distance. “They just shoved the gun in her leg stump and she just started mowing people down with it!”</p>
<p>“Come on,” Chan motioned as Seungmin replied, too quiet for them to hear but undoubtedly indulging Jisung’s silliness. “Hopefully, we’re back before nightfall.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was still cool, spring holding on to the tail end of winter as the five of them trudged on through the woods, eyes open and weapons ready. Hyunjin trailed behind, still not comfortable enough to let the others watch his back. He hung back, watching Jeongin’s instead.</p>
<p>At least Hyunjin could acknowledge that his relationships with the others had gotten better; especially with Jisung and Seungmin. Jisung seemed to decide that Hyunjin was now his big brother, and would joke and tease him about stupid things. Hyunjin found himself naturally responding. It was different from his battles of wit with Changbin or Minho. Something about Jisung allowed Hyunjin to act more childish, more fun.</p>
<p>Seungmin, on the other hand, had forged a completely different bond between them. They’d slept together a few times, each night leaving Hyunjin satisfied and relaxed. Afterward, they’d cuddle close and talk about anything that came to mind, often ending up on deep topics and tangents. Where Hyunjin had once feared Seungmin’s sharp mind, he now indulged in it.</p>
<p>Chan and Hyunjin hadn’t really talked, but they’d reached an unspoken understanding. They both worked for the greater good of the group and that was enough for them.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was snapped back to the present when Changbin stopped, abruptly turning to the left.</p>
<p>“Bin-ah?” Hyunjin asked, but Changbin didn’t even glance his way. “Seo Changbin.”</p>
<p>“Chan-hyung,” Changbin called, the rest of the group halting. Was Changbin ignoring him?</p>
<p>Then, Hyunjin heard it, a loud motor echoing through the trees from a twisting path leading west. Chan took point, raising his gun as the engine got louder, the five of them huddling close. Hyunjin stepped in front of Jeongin as they all held their breath in wait.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a massive truck burst through the trees, moving slowly and trailed by a group of people in black, all armed to the teeth. The truck squeaked to a stop, the men training their guns of the group. No one made a move to shoot.</p>
<p>They were a stark contrast; clean, well-fed and well-groomed, guns clearly well cared for and shining in the sunlight, where as Hyunjin and the others were rough and grimy. These strange people weren’t surviving, they were <em>living. </em></p>
<p>An older man hopped down from the truck, a hand up in signal to his men. Chan dropped his gun, leveling the man with a stare. Everyone remained tenses, fingers on triggers, as a silent conversation passed between the two leaders.</p>
<p>Finally, the man nodded to Chan, who nodded in return. The man leapt back on to the truck and barked an order to continue forward. Hyunjin kept his gun at the ready until they had long disappeared and the noise of the engine had faded.</p>
<p>“Well,” Minho broke the silence, “At least we know what drove the walkers.”</p>
<p>“Fucking great,” Hyunjin exclaimed, turning to Chan. “You ever mentioned we were close to a <em>compound!” </em></p>
<p>“I wouldn’t call us close,” Chan corrected. “It’s miles from here. Their patrols have never been anywhere near this close to us.”</p>
<p>“Um,” Jeongin cut in, rubbing his neck. “What kind of compound? Those guys…they looked like military.”</p>
<p>“’Cause they are,” Hyunjin shouldered his gun. “You and Felix never ran into a compound before you met me?” Jeongin shook his head.</p>
<p>“Compounds are government-formed safe havens that got thrown together just days after the outbreak began,” Chan explained. “At the beginning, they were taking in civilians, protecting them. After two weeks, though, they all shut their gates. Now, they’ll only take in small children.”</p>
<p>Compounds were usually a touchy subject; there wasn’t a sole survivor that didn’t feel some sting of jealousy or betrayal when the compounds shut their doors for good. The lucky few that got in were protected, while those that weren’t quick enough were damned to this hell.</p>
<p>Hyunjin had always hoped that his mom and sister had been lucky enough to reach the compound in Seoul. If they’d survived the first few days, they would’ve been close enough. Plus, Yeji always was the smarter Hwang; if anyone could get them to safety, it would’ve been her.</p>
<p>“Usually, if they come across survivors like us, they’d shoot us dead,” Minho said, kicking a rock. “Unless we convince them we’re not malicious, and we agree to leave each to their own. We don’t bother them, they don’t bother us.”</p>
<p>“Except now they’re expanding their patrol radius and sending walkers to our home,” Changbin spat, eyes on the spot where the truck had gone.</p>
<p>“Is there anything we can do?” Jeongin asked. “Can we…talk to them about it?”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately not,” Chan said with a sad smile. “We need to stay as far from them as we can, in case one of them gets trigger happy.” Chan’s smile faded and he stared off into the woods. “All we can do is hope this doesn’t cause us anymore issues.”</p>
<p>As they began the walk back, Hyunjin couldn’t help but think about how unlikely that was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ascending to the roof that night, Hyunjin could feel the tension before he even laid eyes on Changbin. The moon was brighter than usually, making everything glow a sort of silver, and the night was the warmest they’d had since the seasons’ turn.</p>
<p>Yet, Changbin looked tense, fingers mindlessly picking at the loose strings of his pants. Hyunjin took a deep breath and went to sit in his usual place next to him.</p>
<p>“Ok, what’s wrong?” Hyunjin asked, attempting to cut to the chase. Changbin ignored him. “You’ve been acting weird since this morning.” Silence. Hyunjin scowled. “Ignore me all you want, but that’s not going to help anything.”</p>
<p>“Can’t you tell me?” Changbin said with venom. “Don’t you know what’s wrong, like always?” Hyunjin was taken aback, then deflated. Changbin’s tone hurt, cutting him to the marrow.</p>
<p>“Actually, no,” Hyunjin admitted, feeling almost disappointed in himself. “For the first time since I got here, I have no idea what’s going on in your head.” Changbin finally looked at him, losing some of the malice in his face. He seemed to be searching Hyunjin for lies, but found none.</p>
<p>“I talked to Seungmin this morning,” Changbin said, his anger fading and leaving something akin to sadness. “He…he told me about you two.”</p>
<p>“…oh,” Hyunjin said, cheeks flushing a bit. “That’s it? I mean, it’s nothing serious, Seungmin said you and he have, too, so…”</p>
<p>“We did, but not for a long time,” Changbin cut in. Hyunjin pursed his lips, then nodded, not sure what else to say.</p>
<p>“So…what’s the problem?” Hyunjin asked. Changbin’s head snapped to him, the anger returning full force.</p>
<p>“Seriously?” he asked, disbelieving.</p>
<p>“What?” Hyunjin said defensively. “It’s just sex! Why are you so upset?”</p>
<p>Changbin didn’t respond.</p>
<p>Instead, he grabbed Hyunjin by the jaw with one hand and pulled him into a kiss.</p>
<p>Hyunjin froze, barely registering the soft, dry lips against his own. The kiss wasn’t hot or intense; it was warm and chaste, Changbin pressing into him but never demanding more. He moved a little, slotting their lips together, before slowly pulling away.</p>
<p>Hyunjin hadn’t moved, eyes remaining wide open as his heart pounded. He watched Changbin’s eyes flutter open, and for the first time, he really <em>looked </em>at Changbin, glowing in the moonlight; his sharp chin and cheeks, a strong nose, pink lips and dark eyes, framed by long, black fringe.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt his breath stutter as he finally felt his brain catch up, tears burning into his eyes. Reaching up, he gently removed Changbin’s hand, looking down at it as opposed to keeping eye contact.</p>
<p>“Please don’t do this,” Hyunjin whispered, voice breaking off at the end. Changbin inhaled sharply.</p>
<p>“What, you’ll do this with Seungmin, but not me?” Changbin tried to sound strong, but the heartbreak in his tone betrayed him.</p>
<p>“Like I said, that’s just sex. Can you really tell me it would be like that with us?” Hyunjin looked at Changbin. “If we did this, it wouldn’t be just sex…would it.” Changbin didn’t respond, which was answer enough.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Bin-ah,” Hyunjin continued. “I can’t do this.”</p>
<p>“Can’t, or won’t?”</p>
<p>“Dammit, they’re the same thing!” A traitorous tear fell down his cheek. “I can’t because I won’t and I won’t because I can’t. I’m…I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hyunjin…Jinnie, please…” Changbin pleaded. When Hyunjin didn’t respond, his eyes darted down to his lips again. Changbin began to lean in, and for a moment, Hyunjin let him, lips trembling.</p>
<p>In the end, Hyunjin turned away and stood, ignoring the pain in his chest at the sight of the hurt in Changbin’s eyes. His own heart had dropped like a stone into his gut, but he bit down hard on his tongue, the taste of blood distracting him from his tears.</p>
<p>Mumbling one last, “I’m sorry,” Hyunjin left, turning his back on Changbin and the moonlight.</p>
<p> </p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone is staying safe and protecting their health, physical and mental. Stay strong, and be there for others. </p>
<p>Hope you enoyed the update. Jump into the comments, let's chat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When hearts collide.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Changbin had always expected to die, but he had hoped it would be a quick death at the very least. Instead, he laid starving and in shock, the teeth of a bear trap lodged deep into his foot.</p>
<p>One last ‘fuck you’ from the universe, he thought.</p>
<p>Changbin had survived an entire year of man-eaters—both living and undead—all alone, using his quick wits and skills to keep him going. Throughout the year, he’d been quite surprised at just how easy avoiding other human beings were.</p>
<p>This last time, the town he’d been squatting in had been invaded by a group of cannibals, fast and all but feral. Not too smart, however, and Changbin was able to lose them fairly quickly and flee town. He’d thrown his bag to shed weight and move faster, but he figured whatever he lost, he’d stock up in the next town over.</p>
<p>He was only just entering what had once been a small farming village, now void of life, when he stepped through some trash laying scattered across the asphalt. Walking over a piece of tattered cardboard, Changbin registered the click of metal beneath his right foot.</p>
<p>He moved without thinking and dove, pulling his foot as fast he could off the ground; he was quick enough to save his leg, but it wasn’t enough to get his foot in the clear. The trap snapped closed, and Changbin fell to the concrete.</p>
<p>The pain was excruciating, the rusted teeth cutting straight through his boot and digging their way through bone and muscle, probably halfway to cutting off the foot entirely. Changbin clutched at his leg, fisting his pants as hard as he could as his jaw clenched. He tried so hard not to scream.</p>
<p>Throughout the next few days, Changbin tried many things to free himself, all while continuing to grow weaker. His nails were stubbed and bloody from trying to claw open the bear trap, since his pack was gone and he had no tools. The trap itself had been hammered into the road, so moving out of plain sight was not an option, either.</p>
<p>Changbin didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that there were no walkers around to end his suffering.</p>
<p>He’d thought about clawing or maybe biting his own foot off, like a wild animal, but Changbin couldn’t imagine living this world without a foot. Running was the only thing that had kept Changbin alive, it was all he knew how to do anymore. Without that, perhaps it was better that Changbin die instead.</p>
<p>So, he laid down and gave up, waiting to see if dehydration, infection, or starvation would win the race to kill him.</p>
<p>His vision was blurring, finally starting to fade to black. Maybe the universe would be merciful after all and let Changbin go peacefully, maybe even in his sleep. He felt his mind giving in when footsteps rushed up to him.</p>
<p>“Hyung! Here!” A warm hand gently placed itself on Changbin’s neck. “He’s still alive!”</p>
<p>Another pair of footsteps, then a third, all running up to Changbin. “Shit, another of those traps. Wonder how long he’s been here…”</p>
<p>“Jisung-ah, get the tools. We have to get that foot free if he’s going to have any chance.”</p>
<p>“You sure? Chan-hyung’s gonna kill us…”</p>
<p>“…we can’t leave him here.”</p>
<p>Changbin finally fought his eyes open, only finding three blobs surrounded by a far-too-bright sky. Weakly, he raised a hand and attempted to slap away whoever was touching him.</p>
<p>“Hey, easy!”</p>
<p>Changbin’s eyes cleared just enough for him to meet the eye of one of them. He didn’t seem like a cannibal—no mud-caked face, no jewelry made of human bones—instead, he looked young and strong, with clear, dark eyes and a firm expression.</p>
<p>“We’re not going to hurt you.”</p>
<p>Changbin let out a huff. “…leave…leave me…don’ toush…” He sounded so weak, it was pathetic.</p>
<p>“Believe me, we don’t trust you any more than you trust us,” the stranger said, “but you don’t really have another option right now, so.”</p>
<p>Just then, the one tinkering with the trap succeeded and it sprung open, the metal ripping from Changbin’s infected flesh with a stomach-churning sound. There were sounds of distress, but Changbin only felt pain and nausea as his eyes rolled back and he fell unconscious.</p>
<p>The next weeks were hard, partially due to healing complications and partly due to the strangers all around him. There were four, and one was always watching over him. “Tending to him,” they called it. Changbin felt more like a prisoner.</p>
<p>Changbin was a runner, only he couldn’t run. Instead, he did was any other injured, cornered animal would. He lashed out.</p>
<p>He spat harsh words any chance he got, coming up with colorful insults, sending jab after jab at the ones who’d helped him. Once, after making the youngest cry, the one named Minho gave him a black eye and a long speech about getting his shit together, because his shitty attitude wasn’t helping anyone. Changbin, least of all.</p>
<p>When the youngest, Jisung, came back the next morning with breakfast and a bright smile, Changbin couldn’t help but feel his heart begin to change.</p>
<p>It took months for them to build trust with Changbin, but once they had, it was unshakable.</p>
<p>That’s why Changbin knew exactly what Hyunjin was feeling when he first showed up, looking like he wanted nothing more than to <em>run.</em></p>
<p>Now, as Changbin looked up at the stars, he swallowed down the pain of his heart breaking. The night was silent, but somehow it felt so, so loud.</p>
<p>Hyunjin had run. After all, it’s what people like he and Changbin did best. He should have known.</p>
<p>Changbin took a deep breath. Not for the first time, he wondered if he’d been too greedy. The universe took everything from Changbin, then gave him more than he ever thought possible; friends, a family, a home. But, here he was, asking for more.</p>
<p>Changbin let out the breath in a single huff.</p>
<p>He’d been too greedy, and Hyunjin had run.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin felt Seungmin stir from his place cuddled into his chest, both naked beneath the threadbare sheet. He hadn’t slept, even after Seungmin and he had worn themselves out with overly enthusiastic sex. Instead, he’d laid there listening to Seungmin’s heartbeat, lost to his thoughts.</p>
<p>Seungmin woke with a groan and stretch of his back, eyes blinking open before peering down at Hyunjin. He sighed, head flopping back to the mattress.</p>
<p>“That’s why feels like there’s someone on top’me,” Seungmin grumbled. “’Cause there is. So heavy.”</p>
<p>“You weren’t complaining about my weight last night,” Hyunjin quipped, but even Seungmin could hear how hollow it sounded.</p>
<p>“You sleep at all?” he asked. Hyunjin shook his head, feeling fingers reach down and stroke through his long locks, loose from their usual ponytail.</p>
<p>“Last night…it didn’t help at all,” Hyunjin whispered against Seungmin’s skin. “Not…like it usually does.” And it didn’t, despite going several rounds with Seungmin hours earlier. Usually, it would’ve been more than enough to render Hyunjin’s mind pleasantly fuzzy and quiet. Seungmin huffed.</p>
<p>“Of course, it didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“What—then why’d you say yes?”</p>
<p>“Because you wouldn’t’ve listened to me. You had to see for yourself.” Seungmin’s hand moved from his hair to his shoulder. “We shouldn’t do this again. I’m always happy to help you, Jin-ah, but not if it causes discourse.” Seungmin traced a pattern in the skin with his index finger. “I love Changbin, just like I love you. I won’t hurt him.”</p>
<p>“…I get that.” Hyunjin shifted then sat up, pulling his knees up to hug them close. “Last night… wasn’t about him…I just thought it’d make me feel better. Why didn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Because this problem isn’t out there, it’s in here. You can’t run from this one, or, for lack of a better term, fuck it away.” The words were like rocks dropping into Hyunjin’s chest. He was right, as usual. Hyunjin couldn’t hide from Changbin for long, but he could sure as hell try.</p>
<p>Seungmin sat up, letting Hyunjin lay his head on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Can we still talk sometimes?”</p>
<p>“Of course, Hyunjinnie. I’m always here for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin had splashed himself down with fresh water and redressed when he emerged from the bedroom, only to immediately and unfortunately run straight into Minho. He tried to sidestep him, as per usual, but today, Minho moved in front of him, refusing to let him pass.</p>
<p>“There you are,” Minho smirked. “I’ve been looking for you.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin just wrinkled his nose with a disbelieving look, attempting to leave once again.</p>
<p>“I was right, you know,” Minho went on. “About you and Changbin” Hyunjin froze. “I mean, you two were obvious enough, but now that you’re both all mopey and heart-broken?” Minho leaned in, but Hyunjin stared at the floor, refusing to meet his eye. “One of you fucked up, and I’m willing to bet it was you.”</p>
<p>“Look, I get you don’t like me,” Hyunjin’s head shot up, “but I’m really not in the mood for this shit, Lee Minho. So kindly <em>fuck off, </em>would you?” Minho’s grin only widened.</p>
<p>“And, looks like I was right,” he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. “So, why’d you turn him down?”</p>
<p>“Why the fuck is it your business?” Hyunjin spat. Minho’s expression dropped in an instant.</p>
<p>“Because I’ll fucking make it my business,” Minho clenched his fists. He pushed off the wall, squaring up to Hyunjin until their foreheads were almost touching. “Now, answer the question. Why?”</p>
<p>They stared at each other for a long time, glaring with everything they had, the house silent around them. Hyunjin could practically see himself reflected in Minho’s eyes. Suddenly, he felt far too tired and let out a deep sigh, letting himself sink to the ground and sit leaned against the wall.</p>
<p>“I had to,” Hyunjin said, defeated. “I can’t…let myself…I can’t let my guard down like that.” Minho sat next to him, face blank and passive for once. “If I let that happened, between us…if I let myself feel something like that, and then I lose him…that—that would break me. And if I break, I can’t protect them, Felix and Jeongin…” Hyunjin dropped his head into his hands. “They have to come first. They <em>have </em>to. If I let my guard down, it’s not just me that’d get hurt. I have to be strong. I have to protect them. I have to…”</p>
<p>Hyunjin trailed off, leaving the two of them in silence. Minho sat still, taking in Hyunjin words and considered them closely. Hyunjin sighed again, lifting his head and blinking back the beginnings of tears. The smell of dust was enough to distract him, letting him swallow down his emotions.</p>
<p>“Ok,” said Minho. “So, you turned him away…what did that change?”</p>
<p>The question hit like a bolt to the chest. Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Right here and now, rejecting Changbin like that. What does it change?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked at him, a bit wide-eyed, before slowly facing forward. His jaw went slack as the words registered in Hyunjin’s mind, sending his through spiraling and his heart into overdrive. He took a sudden breath in, sitting up a bit straighter.</p>
<p>“…oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Minho huffed a laugh. “That’s what I thought.” He picked at the laces on his boots, scratching dirt from them with his thumb nail. “You know…I know you and Bin-ah have some special connection or whatever, but the rest of us have suffered, too.” Minho scowled, though his eyes look far away, haunted. “All of us have trauma of our own.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I forget that sometimes,” Hyunjin admitted gently. “Jisung…” Hyunjin hesitated. “He said, you were a dancer, before.” He swallowed thickly. “I was, too.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Minho nodded. “I was actually at the studio when all this shit went down. Dance had always been my world, so I guess it’s poetic that that’s what I was doing when the actual world went to shit. The power just cut off, and alarms started going. None of us knew what to do, but we were on the eleventh floor of the building. All of a sudden, walkers were flooding the place, and the only way out was down, through them. Only a few of us made it out.” Minho hugged his knees to his chest. “I lost my boyfriend…he died right in front of me.”</p>
<p>“You had a boyfriend?” Hyunjin asked.</p>
<p>“Mm,” Minho hummed, lost in his memory. “He was protecting me. Without Yugyeom, I never would’ve made it out of there…I loved him a lot, you know? I still miss him…”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Hyunjin perked up. “Yugyeom…Kim Yugyeom?”</p>
<p>“Yes?” Minho’s eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>“Holy shit, Kim Yugyeom was your boyfriend? You danced at JYP?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I did.”</p>
<p>“So did I!” Hyunjin exclaimed, before leaning back against the wall with a thud. “Fuck…Jisung was right.” He turned to look at Minho. “If this never happened, and things were different…we probably would’ve been friends.”</p>
<p>Minho looked forward, staring through the wall in front of them. “Yeah…maybe so.”</p>
<p>There was a long pause.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry that they’re not. Different, I mean. I’m sorry he’s not here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah…me too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took Hyunjin longer than expected to track Changbin down, almost getting whiplash from how quickly he went from, “avoid at all costs,” to, “I need him <em>now.” </em>Finally, as he rounded the corner to the dining room off of the kitchen, he came face to face with him.</p>
<p>Changbin froze, only meeting his eye for a split second before ducking his head and moving to walk around him. Hyunjin was too fast, however, and had Changbin by the wrist before he could go far.</p>
<p>“Come with me,” Hyunjin insisted, turning and pulling Changbin along behind him. The latter resisted, causing Hyunjin to look back and see sad eyes and pursed lips—as if to say, “please, no more.” Hyunjin’s demeanor softened, fingers sliding from Changbin’s wrist to intertwine with his hand.</p>
<p>“Please, Bin-ah,” Hyunjin pleaded in a whisper. “I need to make this right.” Changbin hesitated, lips parting, but ultimately nodded and let Hyunjin tug him through the house and out the front door.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to go to their spot on the roof, it was still daylight and too bright. He wanted somewhere private, just the two of them. He pulled Changbin through the yard and to the barn, leading him to an old, honestly sketchy ladder that stretched up to the loft.</p>
<p>Hyunjin climbed first, hearing the elder’s far slower footsteps following behind. Hyunjin sat in the space above the stalls, kicking around the old hay, nose scrunching at the smell. Changbin finally caught up, sitting across from him with a blank stare that cut straight through him.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was poor timing, but Changbin looked stunning lit up by the golden rays shining through the gaps in the wood, streaming through his hair and across his features. Hyunjin felt his breath catch.</p>
<p>“Hi,” he whispered, at a loss. Changbin smiled, despite himself.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said back. “What is it you wanted to say so bad?”</p>
<p>“That I’m sorry,” Hyunjin said, immediately, “about last night. I just left you there with a bullshit answer.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t bullshit, Jin-ah” Changbin said, grabbing a piece of straw and twirling it between his fingers. “No is no, that’s all it takes. There doesn’t need to be…more, I guess…”</p>
<p>“But I wasn’t—I—I didn’t—,” Hyunjin cut himself off when he didn’t find the words. He sighed. “I <em>do </em>want…that. I want to be with you, though. That’s why it was bullshit.” He heard Changbin stop breathing for a second.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Changbin was quick to reply. “You won’t lose me, you know? We can still be friends, you don’t have to force yourself just because you thi—,”</p>
<p>“No, just, stop, for a moment!” Hyunjin exclaimed, cutting him off. “Just, let me talk. Ok? It may not makes sense, at first, but let me.” Changbin abruptly shut his mouth, then nodded.</p>
<p>“I thought that,” Hyunjin paused, then continued, “that if we were together, it could only end badly. Then, once it did, fuck, Bin, I wouldn’t be able to get through that, you know? I thought that if we were together, then something happened to you…I’d be broken. Which would’ve been fine, sort of, except I had to think about Felix and Jeongin. I have to keep it together, so I can protect them. And I thought rejecting you would keep me together.</p>
<p>“But Minho talked to me, and I realized that rejecting you—it—it does nothing! It doesn’t change anything. I still—care about you, so much. And that’s not going to change no matter how in denial I am.” Hyunjin stopped and took a breath. He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke so much at once. He looked up and met Changbin’s eye, who looked moments from shocked tears. “I thought I had to keep my guard up, but it’s already been down, for so long.”</p>
<p>“Jin-ah,” Changbin breathed, reaching for his hand. Hyunjin accepted it, clinging to Changbin like a lifeline.</p>
<p>“Do you remember what you told me the first night, when I was upset about Felix and Jeongin? That they almost got hurt?” Hyunjin asked, and Changbin nodded. “You said not to worry about what didn’t happen. To protect them now. Losing you…would break me. So, I’ll just make sure that never happens…I’ll protect you. Now.”</p>
<p>“Hyunjin,” Changbin rose to his knees, reaching to cup Hyunjin’s face and bring it up for their eyes to meet. “I’ll protect you, too. Always.” Hyunjin’s heart hurt with how sincere he sounded. The lump in his throat was only growing. “You really want this? You’re sure?”</p>
<p>At last, Hyunjin was out of words. Instead, he nodded vigorously, reaching his arms to weave them around Changbin’s neck. He felt his body flush at their proximity, eyes going half lidded. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, which caused Changbin’s eyes to darken instantly.</p>
<p>Impatient, Hyunjin pulled on his neck, their breath colliding just moments before their lips did. Changbin’s were as warm as they were the night before, but so much more demanding. His hands slid down to grip Hyunjin’s hips, digging his thumbs into the flesh as their lips moved together.</p>
<p>Hyunjin let out what could only be called a whine as Changbin licked his way into his mouth, pulling him impossibly closer, almost into his lap. Hyunjin wondered if the other could feel his heart pounding from where their chests touched.</p>
<p>They parted, only for a moment, eyes meeting. Changbin’s gaze was so intense Hyunjin felt goosebumps race across his skin before lips attacked his once more. It was fast and rough and thorough, each of them wanting more and taking it freely.</p>
<p>Hands soon found their way beneath clothes, Changbin gently pushing Hyunjin onto his back and onto the hay, panting into each other’s mouths. He was all Hyunjin could taste; sweat and musk and something uniquely Changbin.</p>
<p>Clothes were shed and hot, sticky skin met, moving deliciously against one another. Changbin’s lips and teeth and tongue moved down to Hyunjin’s neck, then across his collarbones, exploring new expanses of skin.</p>
<p>Hyunjin let himself fall into Changbin, surrendering himself completely to the pleasure coursing through his veins. He let Changbin hear every pant and moan he drew from him. He let him pull him apart, then build him back up again and again.</p>
<p>There, on a pile of old straw in the loft of a barn during the middle of the day, Hyunjin let himself fall.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew, that was a long one. Like I often say, I'm an impatient writer, and slow burn is my natural worst enemy. We only have a few chapters left, so I hope you're all enjoying. </p>
<p>Please feel free to leave a comment, let me know if there's anything you wanna see before this wraps up. As always, thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When the world comes crashing down.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
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<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin cracked open his eyes, only to be met with bright yellow light and hot, sticky skin. He took a deep breath, appreciating the morning smell of musk and sunshine, before snuggling deeper into the chest that was his pillow.</p>
<p>That is, until his pillow groaned and shifted, a hand coming to trace Hyunjin’s spine with a light touch.</p>
<p>“Jin-ah,” he heard a voice grumble, deep from sleep.</p>
<p>Peering up, he saw Changbin’s swollen face, barely awake himself. Hyunjin’s face scrunched and he rolled onto his stomach, hiding his face in Changbin’s chest with a whine.</p>
<p>“No, m’still tired.”</p>
<p>“C’mon, Chan-hyung needs me today.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin finally raised his head and looked up at Changbin who was looking incredibly too fond. Hyunjin felt himself melt a bit at the look in the elder’s eye. He couldn’t resist the smile that fought onto his face as he leaned up and accepted the unspoken invitation. Changbin met him in a soft, sweet kiss that they could feel in their bones.</p>
<p>“Ya!” The voice came from outside, floating through the open window. “Are you two awake yet?!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin ignored them, opting to kiss down Changbin’s jaw in an effort to keep him there longer. Changbin, of course, knew all of Hyunjin’s tricks and within ten minutes, they were up and getting ready. Hyunjin pouted the rest of the morning.</p>
<p>Changbin tied up Hyunjin’s long hair for him, which now flowed past his shoulders and down his back, keeping it off his neck during the sweltering summer.</p>
<p>Once the seasons changed and it grew cold again, it will have been two years since Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin found a home at the barn house. Hyunjin tried not to think about how they’d been before—how <em>he’d </em>been—but rather, about how far he’d come. He stared at himself in the dirty, cracked mirror, stroking Felix’s same old shoelace that tied up his ponytail, running his hand through the two-tones.</p>
<p>“You could just cut off the blonde ends? It’s long enough…” Seungmin always suggested. But Hyunjin always shook his head, never giving a reason why.</p>
<p>Changbin was sitting on the edge of the bed, tying up his boots, when Hyunjin plopped himself into his lap, straddling Changbin’s hips and weaving his arms around his neck. Changbin’s hands automatically found his waist, eyes heated.</p>
<p>Hyunjin smirked, his chest swelling, as he leaned down to peck the corner of Changbin’s mouth. His fingers dug into the flesh of Hyunjin’s waist, clearly wanting more, but Hyunjin only patted his cheek and stood back up, throwing a, “Hurry up, then,” over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Changbin’s red face and glaring eyes were the last thing he saw as he rounded the corner, giggling.</p>
<p>And just like that, they walked out of their perfect dream and into reality, the weight crashing down onto their shoulders.</p>
<p>Changbin had gone to talk with Chan and Hyunjin was working with Felix in the fields when Minho and Jeongin emerged from the woods, downtrodden and empty traps in hand. The bows and arrows strapped to their backs looked unused. Hyunjin abandoned his hoe and ran, wrapping Jeongin into a hug and pulling him close.</p>
<p>“M’ok, hyung,” Jeongin mumbled into his shoulder. With the amount of walkers that had been pushed into their territory, every hunting trip had become a life-jeopardizing event.</p>
<p>“Minho-hyung!” Jisung yelled, bounding out of the house and sprinting to them. Minho caught him easily, accepting the quick kiss on the cheek from the younger. Hyunjin gave Minho a brief but sincere pat on the shoulder, and Felix came to steal an embrace from Jeongin.</p>
<p>“Hannie, I’m ok,” Minho assured him in an attempt to quiet his worrying. “We’re empty-handed, but we were able to stay down wind of any walkers.”</p>
<p>“I knew you’d be ok, you’re too smart not to be,” Jisung insisted, crossing his arm across his body. “You guys are just in time, though. Chan called a family meeting.” Jisung sighed. “It was inevitable, I guess. Since things…aren’t looking up.”</p>
<p>They all shared a moment in silence, sweat beading down their faces, before Felix began to lead them all inside.</p>
<p>“No game?” Hyunjin asked Minho as they walked, and he shook his head.</p>
<p>“Not even a bird for us to shoot down,” he said, staring back into the trees, as if hoping something would appear for them to eat. Jisung reached down and took Minho’s hand, squeezing hard.</p>
<p>The living room was quiet and tense, no one knowing what to say or how to help. Hyunjin stared at the floorboard, toeing the edge of the carpet with his boot. Felix grabbed for his hand, and the elder held it gladly, letting the younger lean into him despite the humid weather.</p>
<p>After a while, Chan sighed and stood.</p>
<p>“We have to relocate.” He said it with finality and confidence, as if it wouldn’t most likely lead to their deaths.</p>
<p>“Hyung…” Seungmin said softly.</p>
<p>“I know,” Chan said, dropping his head. “But the compound isn’t stopping, their patrols just keep expanding. And the walkers they’re forcing into the area, because of them there’s no game left to hunt. The crops won’t cut it, and we relied on our stocks too much this past winter. At this rate…in a few months, there won’t be anything left.”</p>
<p>“But we have no idea what’s out there now,” Changbin cut in. “Living here…being able to stay in one place has been a luxury, but now we’re ignorant to the rest of the world. Whatever’s waiting out there…”</p>
<p>“We have to try,” Minho agreed with Chan. “We can’t just sit here and starve. Complacency was never our thing, to be honest.”</p>
<p>“We should start with scouting,” Hyunjin added. “It’s dangerous with the number of hoards out there, but if we have an idea of what we’re up against, it may be our only chance.”</p>
<p>“Provided none of us get killed,” Jisung mumbled.</p>
<p>“It’s that, or starve,” Chan said, and the atmosphere plummeted again. “…ok. Seungmin, take Jeongin and Felix and start planning to expand the fields. As soon as you’ve got something laid out, start cultivating and turning the soil. Let’s get as much as we can out of the crops. Jisung, I want you to take stock of everything left in the barn, what we have and how much. Also, get an idea of how long it’d last us…take rationing into account.” Chan took a deep breath. “Minho, you’ll come with me, Hyunjin and Changbin, you two are together. We need to start covering ground.”</p>
<p>“You’re leaving now?”</p>
<p>“It’s still early. We don’t have time to wait.”</p>
<p>And with that, the four of them armed themselves to the teeth, taking careful stock of the remaining ammunition. It was small given the number of walkers they’d gunned down over the past year, but it would have to do. They each took a bow and a handful of arrows as well, as a backup.</p>
<p>Chan and Minho went southwest, while Changbin and Hyunjin set off northwest.</p>
<p>The two walked for hours, boots crunching through foliage and the sun beating down through trees. They walked in silence, minds too heavily burdened, finding nothing but more and more woods. Hyunjin began to wonder.</p>
<p>“Am I the only one who feels like this is a fool’s errand?” he asked softly. He felt Changbin’s eyes on him even as he kept his gaze straight ahead.</p>
<p>“We have to try,” came the response.</p>
<p>“I know,” Hyunjin said, “I just wonder…if anything will come of it. It doesn’t change anything, I just…”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Changbin said, momentarily shouldering his rifle. “We’ll figure this out. None of us are going to give up, yeah?” It didn’t ease Hyunjin’s mind, but it did his heart, even just a bit. Hyunjin managed a smile, and they trudged on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Several hours later, they were crouched behind a large bush peering out at a cabin they’d come across, surrounded by walkers roaming aimlessly about.</p>
<p>“It looks small,” Hyunjin whispered.</p>
<p>“I agree. Maybe two bedrooms?”</p>
<p>“It’d be a squeeze, but it could work.”</p>
<p>“Maybe, but clearing the area would be a shitshow. There’re too many walkers.”</p>
<p>“True, and the fact that we’re not too far from the barn house. We may still deal with the same problems.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s an option. Something to report back, if anything.” Changbin met Hyunjin’s eyes, and they smiled. Progress, no matter how small, felt like the smallest glimmer of light at the end of a long tunnel.</p>
<p>The smile Changbin gave Hyunjin was brighter than he’d seen all day, but his eyes shifted and his face fell. Hyunjin felt his defenses raise as there was rustling behind him.</p>
<p>“Don’t move,” Changbin told him. “We’re surrounded.” Changbin slowly raised from his crouch, trying to get a view of the walkers behind Hyunjin. Hyunjin felt his heart beating loudly in his ears, breath frozen in his throat. From where he was, he could see walkers around the cabin raising their noses, scenting the air.</p>
<p>“Bin, the wind,” Hyunjin said, grip tightening on his gun. “Shit, the wind’s changed directions. They smell us.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin heard a groan as a walker behind him attacked. Changbin cursed and raised his rifle, killing it in one shot, but alerting the rest of the hoard to their location.</p>
<p>The bloodbath began.</p>
<p>Hyunjin sprang from the bushes, shooting down corpses one by one. Despite being careful with his ammo, he was out within minutes and had moved on to his bow and arrow. His first arrow landed right between he eyes of a walker, mere feet from him. Hyunjin was focused, numb to the heat and the sweat pouring from his brow.</p>
<p>“Bin!” he called to check in.</p>
<p>“M’fine! Keep going!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin turned, a walker so close he could smell its putrid breath and see himself in its red eyes. He drew his knife with practiced ease and jammed it straight through the walker’s temple. Blood sprayed his face, painting a gruesome picture as the slaughter continued.</p>
<p>Once he’d thinned the pack, he turned to find Changbin and find a way out of there. He spotted him, being overwhelmed by the hoard, out of both bullets and arrows. Hyunjin threw his knife and drew his last few arrows, firing them off to try and clear Changbin a path.</p>
<p>“Go!” Hyunjin yelled as soon as there was an opening. “I’m right behind you, go!” He grabbed an arrow from a dead walker, firing it immediately, trying to inch back toward the woods. Changbin was waiting from him at the tree line, and Hyunjin was about to make a break for it when a voice broke through the noise.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hyunjin!”</em>
</p>
<p>Hyunjin never saw it, but only felt the pain as dull, rotten teeth ripped through the muscle of his shoulder.</p>
<p>He screamed, flailing an arm back to tear the jaws off of him, spinning and jabbing his final arrow into the walker’s eye with his fist. He stabbed it a few more times, each losing more and more steam, until it was suddenly quiet.</p>
<p>Hyunjin stood there, frozen and panting, staring at the walker whose chin was red with his own blood. His heart was at his heels. His mind was blank, refusing to comprehend what had just happened.</p>
<p>“Jin-ah!” Changbin ran up next to him. “Are you bitten? Hurry, where is it?!” Changbin had his knife ready, prepared to severe whatever limb was infected, but it was futile.</p>
<p>Hyunjin shook his head, pulling his tattered shirt to reveal the bite, right where his shoulder met his neck. Changbin’s breath hitched, his knife falling to the dirt with a thud. He took a trembling step back. His eyes went misty, tears threatening to fall.</p>
<p>With shaky fingers, Changbin suddenly pulled a handful of bullets from his bag, shoving them into the gun and turning to the walker that had bitten him. He unloaded two shots into the walker’s body, yelling in rage, when Hyunjin stopped him with a hand on the barrel.</p>
<p>“Save your ammo,” Hyunjin told him, voice quivering. “…you’ll need it.”</p>
<p>“No,” Changbin whispered, but Hyunjin knew he didn’t have much time. Reaching around his head, he untied the shoelace holding up his hair with weak fingers, holding it out to Changbin as his hair flowed free down his back.</p>
<p>“Give…this to Felix. And Jeongin. Please,” Hyunjin begged. “Tell them I’m so sorry. Please, tell them. Tell them I’m sorry. That I love them.” Changbin didn’t move, then slowly took the shoelace in a bruising grip. Hyunjin let his head drop, stumbling back until his legs failed him. He slumped to the ground, leaned back against a tree.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin…Jin-ah, please,” Changbin said, tears finally falling.</p>
<p>“Well, this sucks, huh?” Hyunjin said, ignoring the cracks in his speech as his own tears fell. “Shit…I’m sorry, Bin-ah, I couldn’t…shit…” He felt like he was in a daze, like this was a sick nightmare he couldn’t force himself out of.</p>
<p>“This is fair,” Changbin said, eyes down. “<em>Fuck, </em>this isn’t fair!”</p>
<p>“I know, I know, but Bin, you have to do it,” Hyunjin told him, fingers digging into the dirt. “Don’t let me become one of them, please.”</p>
<p>“No,” Changbin said. “Not…not while you’re still you…after. I’ll do it after.” Hyunjin stared at him through his tears, then gave the smallest nod. Changbin looked at him, face twisted in grief, then raised his rifle and aimed it at Hyunjin’s head. “I love you. I’m sorry—sorry I never said it. Should’ve said it, fuck—I should’ve.”</p>
<p>“It’s ok,” Hyunjin managed. “I love you, too…I hope you know that, that you knew…” Hyunjin couldn’t continue, cutting himself off with a sob that Changbin was quick to mirror.</p>
<p>He couldn’t believe this was where he would end. After years of survival, finally finding a home and a family and love, only to lose it all in a moment. Hyunjin felt his chest tighten with grief, mourning everything and everyone he’d never see again. He wanted to scream, knowing that that morning had been the last time he’d ever see his brothers.</p>
<p>He’d never be there to protect them again.</p>
<p>He’d never hug them again.</p>
<p>He’d never see them smile again.</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked up at Changbin, both of them trembling with fear and pain. Hyunjin would never wake up to that face, bathed in soft morning light, looking at his with loving eyes, ever again.</p>
<p>Changbin was right. It was cruel, brutal, and unfair.</p>
<p>Hyunjin took a long, deep breath—one of his last, he supposed—and tried to make his peace. He prayed to whatever was out there listening that they would be safe, that they would live.</p>
<p>Then, he closed his eyes and waited for the gun to fire.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So...thoughts?</p>
<p>We're wrapping up here, only a couple of chapters left. Hope you're all enjoying it. </p>
<p>Feel free to yell at me in the comments. I deserve it for that monumental cliffhanger.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The bargaining chip.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They waited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And waited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every breath felt like the tick of a time-bomb.</p>
<p>Hyunjin waited for something, anything; perhaps for his vision to fade, or go red with madness, for his senses to leave him, or his heart to slow to a stop. Before long, Changbin’s arms began to tremble with effort to hold the gun aimed.</p>
<p>Every now and then, Changbin would call Hyunjin’s name, checking to see if he were still alive and himself. Hyunjin always answered simply, a “yes,” or an “I’m here.”</p>
<p>The sun continued to move across the sky.</p>
<p>Hyunjin swallowed, his mouth dry and chalky, trying in vain to lick his lips to return moisture to them. He blinked up at the other.</p>
<p>“Bin-ah,” he rasped. “…how long has it been?”</p>
<p>Changbin stared down at him, eyes hard. “…Two or three hours, at least.” Hyunjin couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him. His jaw clenched tight.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” he managed, lost.</p>
<p>“I’m…I don’t know,” Changbin whispered, gun dropping an inch. “Do you…feel anything? Any different?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin shook his head. “No…I feel the same.”</p>
<p>“You’re sure you were bitten?”</p>
<p>“You saw the bite yourself.”</p>
<p>Changbin inhaled sharply while Hyunjin felt himself spiral. He felt raw, like he’d been turned inside out and laid bare for the world to see. Whatever was happening—this cruel waiting game—was going to drive Hyunjin off the brink.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s just delayed,” Hyunjin said, wringing his hands, desperate to rationalize their situation. Changbin scoffed, dropping his gun a bit more, but not entirely.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen countless people turn, Hyunjin. I’ve never seen one <em>delayed</em>.” Changbin looked at the walker corpses that still littered the ground around them. “It’s always fast, maybe a minute or two.” Changbin looked at Hyunjin, as if staring straight into him. “Jin-ah, I don’t think you’re going to turn.”</p>
<p>“Don’t!” Hyunjin yelled, leaning forward. “Don’t say that! The second you think that is the second it happens, and I hurt someone!”</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ah,” Changbin crouched in front of him, looking in to wide, manic eyes. “Calm down. Breathe. You still can, breathe deep.” Hyunjin tried, but his chest was too tight. The breath shook through him, shoulders trembling. “Good. More.” Hyunjin did as instructed.</p>
<p>“…what now?” Hyunjin whimpered, tears rolling down his face again. Changbin stood.</p>
<p>“We…should get back to the house.”</p>
<p>“Are you insane?!” Hyunjin yelled. “You can’t take me back there! What if I turn, and I hurt one of them, Felix and Jeongin are there! I can’t—”</p>
<p>“Well, we can’t stay here!” Changbin shouted back. There was silence for a moment, and Hyunjin could barely think past the lump in his throat, the anxiety whirling through his chest. “We…don’t know what’s going on, I know. But night’s about to fall and we can’t just sit here.” He paused before gritting his teeth. “And I’m not leaving you. We should get back, and discuss with the others.”</p>
<p><em>Discuss what? </em>Hyunjin wanted to ask, but he knew Changbin was right. The darkness would bring more walkers, and maybe even coyotes. He needed to get Changbin back to safety.</p>
<p>So, as shaky as a newborn deer, Hyunjin made his way to his feet slowly. He leaned against the tree for support, the bite on his neck throbbing in protest as if reminding him it’s still there. Hyunjin looked at Changbin through the curtain of hair draped over his face. He looked torn between waiting for Hyunjin to lunge and attack, or running forward to help him.</p>
<p>“You keep that gun on me the whole way…alright?” Hyunjin demanded, and Changbin raised it again with a nod. “If I start to turn…don’t hesitate.” Painstakingly, Hyunjin took his first step toward home, Changbin moving to the side before falling in line behind him. Hyunjin felt the gun trained on his back the whole time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The walk was silent and somber, like a funeral procession—if funeral precessions walked tight-ropes, since Hyunjin felt like he was balancing on the edge of a knife, waiting to turn while also considering the fact that he may never.</p>
<p>It was both a relief and his biggest nightmare when they finally came into view of the house. Hyunjin took a shaky breath, his steps faltering for a moment.</p>
<p>“It’s ok, you’re ok,” Changbin said from behind him. “We’ll figure this out. I’ve got you.” Hyunjin nodded, not turning back, and forced himself forward.</p>
<p>They’d almost reached the house when Chan burst through the door, most likely having spotted them from the window.</p>
<p>“Changbin-ah, what’s going on?” Chan demanded, but before anyone could answer, Felix was right behind him, leaping down the porch steps.</p>
<p>Without breaking stride, Felix grabbed the gun from Chan’s waistband and aimed it at Changbin, looking focused and, above all, furious.</p>
<p>“Drop the gun, Changbin,” Felix snarled. Hyunjin had never, never seen Felix truly angry before, let alone enraged. He never thought the boy had it in him.</p>
<p>“Felix, hey, it’s ok,” Hyunjin stepped in, raising his hands but not moving. “Felix, he’s doing what I told him. It’s ok.” Felix’s eyes flitted to him, then back to Changbin. By that point, everyone had filtered out of the house. “Felix, drop it. It’s ok, I swear.”</p>
<p>After a moment, Felix’s finger pressuring the trigger a hair, he relented and let the gun fall to his side. Hyunjin sighed.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Felix looked at him with big eyes. “What’s going on?” Hyunjin looked at the others, all looking to him, before he let his head drop. Not finding the words—not having the strength to—he pulled down the collar of his shirt and revealed the bite.</p>
<p>Gasps rang through the yard, then quiet.</p>
<p>The tension was broken when Felix’s knees hit the ground hard, the gun following soon after.</p>
<p>“No, hyung,” Felix cried, tears falling fast. “No, no, hyung, you can’t. No, Hyunjin-hyung, no!” His arms wrapped around himself as he began to sob, Chan running to him without hesitation. The others were tight, watching Hyunjin, unsure what to do.</p>
<p>“Felix, hey, Lix-ah,” Hyunjin said. “It’s ok, I’m ok! I—we don’t know how, but…I’m ok…see?” Felix’s weeping didn’t stop, but it did slow enough to show he was listening.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin,” Seungmin spoke up. “How long has it been?”</p>
<p>“Hours,” Changbin answered for him, his gun never moving. “We had to come back. We didn’t know what else to do.”</p>
<p>“Hours?” Chan repeated, helping Felix stand. “How…how is that possible?”</p>
<p>“You’re sure it’s a bite?” Minho asked.</p>
<p>“Positive.”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Seungmin said to Chan. “Could…could he be immune?” The atmosphere went heavy, Jisung letting out a squeak in fear.</p>
<p>“That’s a dangerous thing to suggest,” Chan said darkly, eyeing the trees as it a firing squad would immediately come rushing to take Hyunjin away.</p>
<p>“But what other answer is there?” Jisung said, scratching his head. “I mean…he looks totally normal. The same as when he left.”</p>
<p>“I feel the same, too,” Hyunjin added. “The bite…it just feels like a flesh wound. Nothing special.” Chan sighed heavy, running his hands through his hair.</p>
<p>“Whatever this is,” he said grimly, “it’s way beyond us.”</p>
<p>“But he’s still Hyunjin-hyung,” Jeongin said suddenly, unwavering. “So, we’re not leaving him. Or…” Jeongin cut his sharp eyes at Changbin, or more so, the gun Changbin was holding.</p>
<p>“I’m the last person who wants to hurt Hyunjin!” Changbin said, offended.</p>
<p>“No, the gun stays,” Hyunjin said to Jeongin. Hyunjin smiled. “I can’t risk hurting one of you. It’s…a necessary precaution.”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Chan agreed. “But we can’t stay out here all night. So, I say we go inside and try and get some sleep. Maybe some rest will help us figure out what to do. If we do anything.”</p>
<p>“Hyung…” Hyunjin mumbled.</p>
<p>“We’ll have someone keeping watch the while time, Jin-ah,” Chan said gently. “I swear. Now come on, let’s get you and Changbin some food. You both missed dinner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin had never been so tired in his life, but he forced himself to stay awake. Every muscle in his body was tense, his jaw throbbing from remaining clenched for so many hours.</p>
<p>Everything hurt.</p>
<p>He sat on the living room couch, Chan sitting solemn across from him. The almost-burned-down candles cast flickered shadows around the room, the only sound being the occasional cicada making a disturbance outside.</p>
<p>Hyunjin nearly leapt out of his skin when a body pressed itself against his leg. He looked to Felix had sat up from where he’d been laying on the rug and was hugging Hyunjin’s leg to his chest. As much as Hyunjin wanted to reach down and run his fingers through the younger’s hair, he was too afraid to touch him.</p>
<p>“You should be sleeping,” Hyunjin whispered, but Felix’s grip only tightened. “Lix-ah.”</p>
<p>“Please, hyung,” Felix whispered back, sounding so scared. “Please don’t make me go.”</p>
<p>Instantly, Hyunjin felt his heart crack in two. All of a sudden, his aching muscles didn’t seem so bad after all.</p>
<p>“I was so scared, hyung,” Felix said. “When I saw the bite, I—I thought we’d lost you.”</p>
<p>“…I know,” Hyunjin said. “I thought the same. I thought I’d never see you again…that I’d never be there to protect you again.”</p>
<p>Slowly, so slowly, as if handling a bomb, Hyunjin reached and placed his hand on Felix’s head. After a moment, after nothing happened, he slowly began to stroke through Felix’s hair. He was rewarded with soft sniffles and muffled sobs, pressed against his thigh.</p>
<p>Jeongin, who’d been watching from the side, took that as his cue to slink over the arm of the sofa and settle in next to Hyunjin, leaning with his head pillowed on Hyunjin’s other thigh. Hyunjin didn’t have the heart to tell him to move. Hyunjin pulled them a bit closer, making eye contact with Chan across the room. The leader was watching him with laser-focus, gun inhand.</p>
<p>“Hyung?” Jeongin croaked. He sounded like he’d been crying for days. “Whatever you’re thinking…don’t do it. Please?” Hyunjin only smiled sadly.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” he responded gently. “Everything’s going to be ok. I’ll make sure of it.” A skillful dodge of the topic.</p>
<p>“Will you at least tell us what it is?”</p>
<p>“I will…in the morning. For now, try and get some rest…ok?”</p>
<p>“…ok, hyung.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you sure about this?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not…but I think it could work.”</p>
<p>“It’s a good move, <em>if </em>it works. But we have to be smart about this.”</p>
<p>“Well, we already know we can’t stay here. This…may be our only shot at something like this.”</p>
<p>“…I agree…alright. Let’s do it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. We’ll have to be strategic, well-spoken, and confident. But I think we can pull it off. I’ll tell the others to pack their essentials. If this works…hopefully we’ll never have to come back here.”</p>
<p>As Chan left the kitchen, Hyunjin made to follow before Changbin caught his wrist. Soon, they were alone.</p>
<p>“You really want to do this?” Changbin asked, brows furrowed. Hyunjin took his hand in his own.</p>
<p>“It’s not about that,” Hyunjin responded. “It’s about keeping my family safe.”</p>
<p>“I just—I—I can’t—” Changbin cut himself off, shoulders trembling. “I’m…still shaken from yesterday. Jin-ah, I almost had to <em>shoot </em>you.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Hyunjin breathed, placing a hand on Changbin’s arm.</p>
<p>“And somehow, some fucking twist of fate, we got another chance,” Changbin looked at him with desperate eyes. “I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want to lose you.”</p>
<p>“You won’t,” Hyunjin promised, cupping his face with soft hands. “I’m right here. But…this is my decision. It’s my sacrifice to make. So, trust me…ok? And trust I’d never leave you.”</p>
<p>“But, you almost did.”</p>
<p>“Well…I guess I’ll just have to do better this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>….</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin peaked out from around Chan’s shoulder, spying the massive chain-link fence lined with tin sheets. It seemed to stretch for miles in either direction, and gave no hint at what was hiding inside. In the center sat an entrance of fence with no tin, forming a protective square. Inside, three guards sat with rifles resting by their sides.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Chan asked over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Ready as I’ll ever be. Not like ten minutes thinking about it is going to make any difference.”</p>
<p>They back tracked, crawling back to where the others were waiting. Their bags were in a pile, tired of carrying them after a long day of walking.</p>
<p>“Ok. Together,” Chan said. Everyone looked at each other, nodding, determined expressions all around hiding their nerves. Taking a deep breath, Chan turned and led them out of the tree cover, straight toward the guards.</p>
<p>They got about ten feet away when they were noticed.</p>
<p>“Hey! Stop!” Three rifles were pointed through the fence in an instant, and all eight of them raised their hands in surrender.</p>
<p>“Easy, we’re not here to pick a fight,” Chan said calmly, not giving anything away.</p>
<p>“Then run along, kid,” one of the guards spoke, jerking her head to shoo them away.</p>
<p>“Come on, we’ve lived a few miles from here and never caused trouble. Obviously, we’re here for a reason,” Chan rolled his eyes. “We want to talk to someone. Someone in charge.”</p>
<p>“Good for you. Now, you heard her, get out of here before we shoot you dead,” another guard spat.</p>
<p>"And create more walkers?" Minho <em>tsked. </em>"For shame."</p>
<p>“Pretty sure your bosses will want to hear what we have to say," Chan rebuttled. The first guard dropped her gun, sizing them up.</p>
<p>“And what would that be?” she said, hand on her hip, looking highly unimpressed. Chan glanced over at Hyunjin, giving him his cue to take over.</p>
<p>Hyunjin nodded, walking forward with his hands still raised. Slowly, he reached down and pulled his shirt away from his neck, revealing where the walker had bitten him. The wound was still black, grisly and crusting over. The guards’ holds on their guns tightened.</p>
<p>“Over twenty-four hours ago, I was bitten by a walker,” Hyunjin spoke loudly, clearly. “I’ve showed no signs of change, and remained completely human.” He paused, watching their eyes grow wide with shock. “If you want to know the rest, I suggest you get someone down here who has some authority.”</p>
<p>There was a long beat where no one spoke or moved, until the guard reached down to the radio on her belt, eyes not leaving Hyunjin’s bite, and raised it to her lips.</p>
<p>“Get me the captain,” she spoke into it. “He needs to be down here ASAP.”</p>
<p>The aforementioned captain didn’t take long, the sound of an ATV announcing his arrival. He was a young man, and tall, with sharp features but a soft look in his eye. He took one look at Hyunjin and the bite on his neck and turned to his subordinate.</p>
<p>“Get to the lab,” he said. “I need a cotton swab. And grab a syringe while you’re there, we should take some blood.” The subordinate nodded and left, the sound of the ATV roaring through the fence. The captain turned to them.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said, surprisingly gentle. “My name is Captain Kang Younghyun. I’m very interested to hear the story behind that wound.”</p>
<p>“I’m Hwang Hyunjin,” Hyunjin replied. “And I’m very interested to hear what you can give me in return.” Captain Kang raised an eyebrow, a glint of something appearing in his eye.</p>
<p>“That depends on what you say,” he said, cryptic. Hyunjin raised his eyebrow in return, before huffing loudly.</p>
<p>Hyunjin told his story, of he and Changbin being overrun with walkers and him taking a bite to the neck. He described how he had prepared to die and Changbin had prepared to kill him, only for them to sit for hours while nothing happened. By the time Hyunjin had wrapped up his tale, the subordinate returned with medical equipment for the captain.</p>
<p>“Perfect timing,” Captain Kang mused. “Alright, Hyunjin-ssi. You’re going to come stand against this gate and I’m going to swab that bite through the wire. Then, you stick your arm against it and I’ll draw some blood.”</p>
<p>“And what exactly is this for?” Hyunjin said, arms crossing over his chest. If he remembered correctly, he hated getting blood taken.</p>
<p>“We need to see if you’re telling the truth, and that there’s actually something in you worthy of interest,” Captain Kang pulled the needle from the bag, followed by the cotton swab. “After all, what if that bite is just from one of your buddies, to deceive us?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin threw him an exasperated look. “Seriously?”</p>
<p>“Seriously.”</p>
<p>None the less, he cooperated with the captain and grit his teeth through the needle, and soon, the same subordinate was rushing his samples back to their lab. The captain looked wholly satisfied.</p>
<p>“Now,” he said, folding his hands behind his back, “I’m going to go relay your story to those in charge. For that, I’ll need to know what it is exactly you want.”</p>
<p>Finally. This is what Hyunjin had been waiting for. He took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“A place in the compound for my family. Food, shelter, protection, the whole nine yards.”</p>
<p>Captain Kang grinned, as if that were exactly what he was expecting to hear.</p>
<p>“Very well,” he said, turning his back to them. “Make yourselves comfortable! This may take a while.”</p>
<p>And as it turned out, the captain didn’t exaggerate. They had arrived in the early morning, and it was now well into the evening. They all sat in a circle, splitting packets of stale, uncooked ramen when the gate opened behind them. The woman guard from before brought out a few trays of hot food, handing it over with a sneaky smile before letting them know it may be a while still.</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t have it in him to talk with the others. He sat on the damp ground, Changbin’s hand in his, mindlessly tracing the dark, inky lines across his lover’s hand. He was thankful for the clear sky, casting warm rays of yellow and orange across the woods as the sun set. No rain tonight.</p>
<p>“It’s getting dark,” Changbin whispered to him, and Hyunjin only nodded.</p>
<p>Finally, the gate creaked open behind them again and everyone scrambled to their feet. When Hyunjin turned, he was met with a middle-aged, stern-looking man in military garb, looking surprisingly friendly. He was flanked by at least ten other soldiers, including Captain Kang.</p>
<p>“Hwang Hyunjin-ssi?” the man asked. Hyunjin stepped forward, feet unsure but his head held high. The man smiled at him, look more indulgent than sincere. “My name is General Kim. I run this facility.” The weight of his words washed over them.</p>
<p>“Captain Kang has explained to me the…situation, we’ll call it,” he continued, motioning to the captain behind him. “In fact, he vouched for you boys quite a bit. You owe him your thanks.” The general held his hand out and a soldier quickly filled it with some papers. “As we were talking, the results of your samples came back from the lab. That bite certainly is from a walker, that much is clear. Those lab-coats found some <em>very </em>interesting things in your blood.” The general handed the papers back, his eyes never leaving Hyunjin’s. “Needless to say, they’re very eager to get their hands on you.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt the others, Changbin especially, stiffen around him. However, he didn’t allow himself to react. He knew the man in front of him was older and experienced; nothing would go unnoticed by him. General Kim’s smile widened at Hyunjin’s steeliness.</p>
<p>“Now then, I’d like to hear it from you,” General Kim said. “Why have you brought yourself to us?”</p>
<p>“To make a bargain,” Hyunjin said, sticking his nose up a bit higher. “And it goes without saying that I’m the bargaining chip.” Hyunjin bit his lip, then sighed. “Honestly, General, I have no clue what’s going on with me. I don’t know what’s different about me, why I didn’t turn, but—…but I don’t care. I only care that I can try and use this to protect my family.”</p>
<p>“…I see,” the general mused, stroking the stumble across his chin. “You want us to take your family in. To give them a place here.”</p>
<p>“That’s right.”</p>
<p>“And how large is your family, exactly?”</p>
<p>“It’s just the seven of them.”</p>
<p>“Hm,” General Kim hummed. Something darker shone in his gaze for a moment. “If that’s the case…what’s stopping me from killing them and taking you for ourselves?”</p>
<p>Everyone was suddenly moving at once. Half of the others—Chan, Changbin, Minho—all leapt to shield the younger ones, but Hyunjin only smiled. He reached back, pulling the pistol from his waistband, and all the soldiers raised their guns in warning.</p>
<p>“That’s easy,” said Hyunjin, almost dreamily. He placed the gun against his own head, pressing hard. “I am.”</p>
<p>“Hyung!” Jeongin exclaimed.</p>
<p>No one moved, except for the general’s eyes narrowing. Hyunjin continued.</p>
<p>“I bet I’d still be of some use to you dead, but I’m willing to bet I’d be a whole lot more useful alive.”</p>
<p>There was silence, a standoff. Hyunjin refused to back down, his smile never dropping and his finger never moving from the trigger. After a long moment, the general smiled back.</p>
<p>“Right you are,” he motioned for the guns to drop, and the soldiers obeyed. “This way, boys. Leave your weapons, they will be collected and brought inside.” He turned and began to walk back through the fence, and no one moved. “Quickly, now!” The eight of them hurried to follow.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ssi, here’s the deal,” General Kim said as they walked, entering through the gate into a huge yard dotted with soldiers and vehicles. “Your family will stay, but they will <em>work </em>for their place here, like everyone else. That is the law here. Everyone works, and in return, they are protected. You, on the other hand, are incredibley valuable. You will report to the labs and they will have complete control over what happens to you.” His gaze cut to meet Hyunjin’s. “You will be subject to any and all experiments they deem necessary, understand?”</p>
<p>“Jin-ah,” Changbin muttered in warning, but the general continued.</p>
<p>“I’ve been assured the labs will not attempt anything that could jeopardize your life,” his tone changed, “<em>however, </em>everything else is fair game.” He stopped, turning to Hyunjin. “If they decide they need a leg, then by damn, you better give them one.”</p>
<p>“Hyunjin!” Changbin said, louder, but Hyunjin ignored him with a firm, “I accept.”</p>
<p>The general smiled and clapped his hands together loudly. “Wonderful! Shall we get it in writing?”</p>
<p>“Why?” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “So I can hire a lawyer if you fuck me over?”</p>
<p>“It gives a sense of professionalism,” General Kim replied, something akin to humor in his tone. The group came upon the first building, a small, concrete box with barred windows, but they didn’t go inside. Instead, a military truck with canvas covering the bed pulled up, and the eight were motioned inside with little fanfare.</p>
<p>The truck took off as soon as they were seated, General Kim taking the passenger seat up front. As the canvas flapped closed, Hyunjin caught a glimpse of Captain Kang, smiling, looking satisfied. Everything had happened too fast, and Hyunjin hadn’t gotten to thank him.</p>
<p>As the truck bumped along rough terrain to wherever-the-hell they were going, Hyunjin felt a hand grab his own, not needing to look to know it was Changbin’s. He scanned the faces of his family, memorizing each detail. All of them looked worried, cautious, like they were balancing on eggshells.</p>
<p>Everything hit Hyunjin at once, and he felt his heart swell. He didn’t know what would happen in the future, he didn’t know yet whether they’d really pulled this off or not, but he hoped.</p>
<p>He hoped his family would no longer go to bed hungry, or afraid of monsters coming to eat them. That they wouldn’t have to look over their shoulder every other second. That they, for the first time in so long, could feel safe, could feel happy.</p>
<p>The road smoothed out and the truck stopped rocking back and forth. Hyunjin smiled, hoping they made it through the rough waves and could sail forward on smooth, calm sea.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew, a long one. A lot happened, but I hope everything is making sense and coming together. </p>
<p>One more chapter. More of an epilouge, I supose. </p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed this after last week's cliffhanger. Let me know in the comments.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The compound.</p>
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<p>Hyunjin stared at himself in the mirror, finding it harder and harder to see similarities to the way he looked before.</p>
<p>A little over a year in that place, and he looked completely different.</p>
<p>He’d filled out a little in the face, but the loss of what muscle he had just left him lean and lanky. His skin was paler, as he saw less and less sun the longer he stayed at the compound. Even paler were patches of near-white skin that splotched unevenly across this body, over his eye, across his jaw, down his chest disappearing into his shirt, and so on.</p>
<p>The newest treatment he’d been receiving had had the unintentional side effect of attacking and destroying the melanin in his body. Not only his skin, but his right eye had gone entirely powder blue, almost silver. His fresh buzzcut left him with only white fuzz covering his scalp.</p>
<p>He stared at himself, mismatched eyes looking far in thought, almost passive.</p>
<p>The heavy metal door opened to his room, and he glanced in the mirror to see Changbin stroll in, unbuttoning his camo uniform shirt—a clear contrast to Hyunjin’s spotless scrubs—as he did. Spotting Hyunjin by the sink, his eyes widened.</p>
<p>“Woah,” he breathed, hand abandoning his buttons. A crooked smile made its way to his face, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile back. Changbin reached up, running his hands over the super short haircut. “You finally let them do it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, started looking too weird,” Hyunjin muttered, looking at his lover through the mirror. The labcoats had wanted to cut Hyunjin’s hair from day one, but Hyunjin had never let them. He also never gave them a reason why. “I could deal with the black to blonde, but the white roots were just…yeah.”</p>
<p>“You like it?” Changbin asked. Hyunjin shrugged.</p>
<p>“My neck and ears and face feel kind of naked, but it’s a lot lighter.” It was true. Hyunjin’s hair had been almost waist length until that morning, and the difference was drastic. “You don’t mind it?”</p>
<p>“I don’t. You’re so fuzzy. And I can see your face so well.” Changbin wrapped his arms around Hyunjin from behind, nuzzling into his neck while keep their gazes locked. “How’s your hand?”</p>
<p>Hyunjin lifted his left hand, still wrapped tightly in clean, white gauze. Beneath that were sutures stitching together the space where his left pinky had once been.</p>
<p>“Nothing I can’t handle,” Hyunjin answered his question, “nothing new.”</p>
<p>In fact, the pinky finger was only the most recent amputation the labcoats had performed to gather samples. To date, they’d amputated both of Hyunjin’s pinky toes, taken a piece of ear cartilage, and pulled a back tooth. Not to mention the countless pints of blood they’d drawn over the months.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe they took a fucking finger,” Changbin growled through clenched teeth. He cradled the hand gently in his own. “Fucking scrubs have a lot of nerve.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Hyunjin assured him. “If anything, that big of a sample should keep them happy for a while.”</p>
<p>“Are they even making any progress?” Changbin asked exasperated. He turned throwing himself onto the bed, tucked against the white wall, the stiff springs squeaking. “They cut you up and drain your blood, but what’s come of it?”</p>
<p>“Actually,” Hyunjin sat next to the sprawled elder, “I have news.” Changbin glanced up at him, but didn’t move. Hyunjin’s voice was suddenly thick. “They’ve…finally decided to prioritize the vaccine.”</p>
<p>Changbin shot up. “You’re kidding.”</p>
<p>“They put it to a vote today,” Hyunjin smiled. “The ‘weaponization’ hasn’t gone anywhere, so their pushing it back in favor of vaccine development.”</p>
<p>“Shit,” Changbin ran a hand through his hair. “It only took them a year.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but it’s happening.”</p>
<p>“Hm. That’s so great, Jin-ah,” Changbin hummed, cupping Hyunjin’s face and pulling him in for a soft kiss. Hyunjin met him eagerly, sighing against soft lips. When Changbin pulled away, he looked and Hyunjin and his eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>“Hey, I think your other eye’s starting to change.”</p>
<p>“What?!” Hyunjin leapt up and through himself back over the sink, leaning into the mirror. How had he not noticed? The smallest speck of white-blue could be seen on the edge of his left eye, which had stubbornly remained black for months. Hyunjin groaned, dropping his head into the cold ceramic of the basin.</p>
<p>“Great. My transformation into a grain of white rice continues.”</p>
<p>Changbin laughed and stood again, holding Hyunjin by the hips and pressing his lips lightly against different patches of white along Hyunjin’s flesh before speaking against his skin.</p>
<p>“…Or maybe a backwards cow.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin elbowed him in the ribs, Changbin letting out a yelp of pain before laughing.</p>
<p>“Kidding, kidding! You’re beautiful, you know that.” Changbin turned Hyunjin’s head to face him, pulling him in to a deeper kiss than before. Hyunjin felt it all the way to his toes as their lips slotted together too perfectly.</p>
<p>Goosebumps raced across his skin when he felt the flick of a tongue against his own, intensifying the kiss until the inevitable banging on their door came. It was two loud knocks, then a voice.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-hyung, Changbin-hyung!” It was Jisung. “Didn’t you guys hear the dinner bell?! We’re leaving now for the mess hall!” Hyunjin’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“Aw, shit, we’re going to miss the fruit!” He scrambled for his shoes and Changbin giggled.</p>
<p>“Please, they always save you some.”</p>
<p>They left the room, Hyunjin getting his first breath of fresh air that day, letting the grass and sun wash away the chemicals and sterile odor. There were no clouds that day, so the sky was in full view as it changed to evening. The breeze felt odd against his exposed head, but he figured he’d get used to it.</p>
<p>Changbin and Hyunjin fell into step with Jisung, Minho and Jeongin, the younger two who were chatting loudly about their day in the greenhouses.</p>
<p>As always, the inhabitants of the compound gave the group—more specifically, Hyunjin—a wide berth, knowing that so much as knocking into him could get them demoted. Word had spread quickly about Hyunjin’s arrival, as new faces weren’t something often seen. Soon, everyone was aware of the miracle boy, who quickly became “the most important person alive.”</p>
<p>At the beginning, the labcoats had wanted to keep Hyunjin locked away, claiming he was too valuable to let roam free. Hyunjin was lucky there were those that opposed it in his stead, since there was little he could do to resist considering the terms with which they were there.</p>
<p>But now, it was a mixed batch. Some treated him like some messiah, worshipping the ground he walked on. Hyunjin tried to ignore them. Others had regarded him with distain, given his favorable treatment, but as the scars grew and parts of his body disappeared, the distain became pity, and pity became avoidance. Now, most shunned him completely. </p>
<p>They reached the mess hall, a large cinderblock warehouse filled with mismatched tables and chairs, and jumped in line to receive their dinner rations. Hyunjin ignored the dirty looks sent his way when the cooks—mainly older women—coddled him and presented him with a pre-made tray; extra fruit on the side.</p>
<p>They tracked down the others easily, finding Chan, Felix, and Seungmin tucked away in their usual corner. They welcomed them with bright smiles filled with mashed potatoes and stew.</p>
<p>Hyunjin filled Chan in on his day as Felix entertained himself with Hyunjin’s new haircut. Chan and Seungmin had been working at the command center alongside Captain Kang, quickly earning the ranks of Lieutenant, keeping well informed about possible threats to their family.</p>
<p>“It’s good they’re finally moved forward,” Chan mused, stirring his food. “We got another call from the Seoul compound, specifically our friend General Park.” Hyunjin’s nose crinkled.</p>
<p>The Seoul compound had been wanting to get their hands on Hyunjin since he arrived, considering they were the largest and most well-funded in Korea. However, rumor had it that the Seoul gangs had influence on the leaders there, including General Park, who ran the whole compound.</p>
<p>“Fuck that guy,” Jeongin said, mouth full of tangerine. “Seems like a weasel if you ask me. Bet he’s the one under the thumb of the gangs—” Jeongin was stopped by a hand slapped over his mouth.</p>
<p>“Innie,” Seungmin hissed. “Watch what you say. There’re ears everywhere.” The group fell silent, and they went back to eating.</p>
<p>“Jin-ah,” Chan whispered to him. “Park’s getting insistent. I have a feeling they won’t be asking nicely much longer.” Hyunjin cut his eyes to Chan, but schooled his expression.</p>
<p>“You think they’ll come for me.”</p>
<p>“I can’t rule it out.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin swallowed his potatoes thickly. He looked at Chan and smiled as brightly as he could.</p>
<p>“Then, we’ll be ready for them.”</p>
<p>“Hyunjin-ssi!” Hyunjin glanced up to find his supervisor, Lieutenant Im Junyeong, jogging up to the table. “Dr. Lee is calling you back to the labs. I know it’s after hours, but they need to run some tests.”</p>
<p>“Noona, he’s been there all day!” Felix complained, latching onto his hyung’s arm. Lieutenant Im smiled sadly.</p>
<p>“Orders are orders,” she said with a half shrug. Hyunjin sighed, downing his strawberries in one go before standing. It’s not like he could say no.</p>
<p>He glanced around the table, taking stock of the others. They looked brighter, fuller cheeked and healthy. They looked happy. He grinned, feeling weight being lifted from his chest.</p>
<p>He placed a hand lightly on Felix’s head, patting it with a, “Be back soon.” He grabbed Changbin’s hand for a moment as he left, and shot Jeongin a reassuring smile.</p>
<p>He walked, trailing behind Lieutenant Im as they walked the path he knew too well. The skin of his forearm itched where he’d already received several injections and an IV of who-knows-what earlier; the labcoats never told him what they were putting into him.</p>
<p>But it was alright. He could take the needles, and the surgeries, the new scares that were clean and straight, contrasting the jagged ones he’d had before. If that’s what they wanted as payment to keep his family safe, so be it. They could take his fingers, all of them. He’d give them happily.</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked to the sky, thinking about his place in this mess of a world that had been left behind.</p>
<p>He thought about his place before; that empty store front, months upon months spent holed up in a room, alive but dead in every way that mattered.</p>
<p>He thought about his place now and smirked to himself.</p>
<p>On one side, doctors who wanted to tear him apart just to put him back together, learning all his body’s secrets. On the other side, corrupt leaders who wanted to steal him away for themselves, like he was nothing but a chess piece in their game.</p>
<p>And in the middle, Hyunjin and his family.</p>
<p>As he thought about it, Hyunjin found that he wouldn’t change anything for the world.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt a fire light in him, racing through his veins and into his blood. <em>Let them come for me</em>, he thought. He had more fight in him now than he’d ever had before.</p>
<p>If any of them dared try and take his family from him, they’d be ready.</p>
<p>And there would be hell to pay.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, here we are. I won't promise a sequel, but I've left the ending open for one if there's interest. Honestly, I'm about to start one, if not two new jobs so we'll see what happens. </p>
<p>Regardless, I hope you've all enjoyed this little journey. Thank you all for reading, truly.</p>
<p>Please let me know what you thought, I do enjoy human interaction. Until next time, that's all, folks.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More to come.</p><p>If you enjoyed, please let me know in the comments. I enjoy human interation.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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